


The Christmas Gifts

by theglamourfades



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Canon Compliant, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, First Kiss, Gift Giving, Light Angst, Missing Scene, Romantic Fluff, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16817356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theglamourfades/pseuds/theglamourfades
Summary: Five Christmases. Five different wishes that are hoped for. It's a time for magic to happen and dreams to come true - will they do so for Anna and John? Set between S1 and S3.





	1. Christmas 1912

At the end of the hallway, she stood, hardly an inch of space between herself and the door as she craned eagerly up on tiptoe to peer out. Her silhouette bounced from the walls, the little light from the candle lamp throwing itself quite a distance, illuminating her profile against the hastening dark. She could feel the icy wind seeping in despite the barrier and it was resting very firmly against her calves. Even though she was incredibly close already, she edged further forward in anticipation; a mist of her breath spread out upon the glass as the tip of her nose came into contact with the pane, touching her with cold instantly. But she was immune, didn't let it deter her from remaining there, as she had been for some time. Many others would have given up after barely two minutes, returned to the warmth of the hall when they found there was nothing to behold. But she was made of much sterner stuff and was quite content to wait, at least while she didn't have anything urgent to see to. A little bit of a chill wasn't enough to send her away.

Anna Smith was very patient. It had perplexed and even vexed some of the other members of the household who were anything but, and she knew they had great trouble fathoming this aspect of her nature. When she thought about it, all she could do was smile. It was precisely her patience that had served her best during the almost ten years since she had been at Downton Abbey. It was one of her mother's many pearls of wisdom that she had instilled in herself, probably the piece of advice that she had most fervently embraced on her departure from her childhood home. That patience wasn't simply a virtue, but it was also its own reward. And as was always the case, her mother proved herself right. Even though this particular moment in time wasn't quite as significant as gaining the role of head housemaid, it still mattered to Anna. So she would practise her fortitude once more. The frosty air began to press itself more fiercely against her, creeping slowly up her body, tightening its grip. She felt quite a sharp tingle in the tips of her fingers and across her arms, even despite them being covered. An itch setting off all over her, sinking itself lower, to her very core and consciousness. Perhaps it was impossible for anyone, even her, to be perfectly patient on Christmas Eve.

Considering it, she did feel rather silly. It was all well and good behaving in such a way if you were younger; standing still, waiting in awe with wide eyes darting in every direction, waiting for the magic to appear in the midst of one little moment. She recalled all of her past Christmases, one followed by another and another, and felt excitement rush through her anew. Anna couldn't help but smile as the memories came back to life in her mind once more. She really did love Christmas, everything about it. It was the most special time of year, and even though there wasn't that much to get excited about as a servant, there was something that was so different and magical about the season. That was why, at the age of 26, Anna Smith still held a Christmas wish. She kept it a guarded secret, partly because she believed if she confessed it aloud it would greatly reduce the chances of it coming true, but mainly as she was certain that a few people would scoff and ridicule her if they ever knew. Not that she cared that much what they did think, but still, it would spoil the mood of everything to have her hopes dashed. If she was completely honest with herself, she was beginning to think that perhaps she was getting a little too old for Christmas wishes now; really, they belonged to children, the ones for whom the season was really meant for. Yet in her heart, a flame still glowed, and she found she simply could not give up on it. It was Christmas. The one time of the year when everyone was given a little dispensation to revert back to being a child; a time for wishes to be made and, hopefully, made true. Anna thought that it would be a very sad state of affairs if you couldn't do such a thing at Christmas, of all occasions.

This year, her wish was the same as it had been for the past few, and despite the distinct lack of even the tiniest speck descending from the sky, Anna was sure that this would be the year that her Christmas desire would be fulfilled. The one thing she wished so much for was for it to snow. It had not snowed for some time at Downton, at least not at Christmas. When it had come in recent times, it had been a little too early or otherwise much too late, wasn't enough or turned rapidly to sludge and ice, proving to be nothing but a menace and a disruption. She remembered seeing the vast grounds and gardens swathed in white, making everything prettier than it already was; the crisp frost dancing in the air as bells rang out from the village. The scene could have come straight from the front of a card, and it made the magic of Christmas seem more vivid and real to her than it had ever been. Anna could still picture it all exactly in her head, and suddenly shut her eyes tight, as if the swift action would bring it all into being before her once more. Then the thought occurred that as soon as she might have cast her gaze away, it would be the moment when it would finally happen. She squinted out again into the dark, her eyes taking time to adjust hazily to the low light after only mere seconds. All remained completely as it was, inside and out; there was still no sign whatsoever of snow, even though it was certainly cold enough for it. Sighing a little, she touched her palms against the wood of the door, lowered her heels that were starting to ache down to the floor, and after a minute, lifted the lamp from the sill, carrying it and herself back along to the hall. Getting halfway to reaching it, she turned back towards the door, just in case. Once she really understood that there had been no miraculous change in her absence, she smiled wistfully to herself before continuing onwards.

Anna relaxed into her chair, wrapping her hands around the sides of the still warm mug of cocoa that lay on the table before bringing it up to her lips and taking a slow sip. She looked around languidly. It was really very unusual for the place to be so deserted on Christmas Eve, even if the evening hadn't got underway as of yet. Mid-morning, all but an absolute disaster had been declared by Mrs Patmore, as the stoves had decided with impeccable timing to refuse to cook anything. Miss O'Brien had said that they must have been as fed up by the biting chill as they all were sitting downstairs, freezing their socks and stockings off, and so iced themselves up in protest, which did nothing to appease Mrs Patmore, who was now absolutely frantic as to how they were possibly going to prepare the Crawley family's Christmas feast. Rolling her eyes ever so slightly, Mrs Hughes took charge of the situation and began to lead the entire kitchen staff armed with as much food as they could each carry out and over towards Mrs Isobel Crawley's house. As they all trooped away, with Mrs Hughes in command, Anna could hear Mrs Patmore rant and rave about how such a calamity could only ever befall her and what sin she could have possibly committed to be saddled with such terrible luck, how Mrs Crawley's kitchen would be woefully inadequate to match up to her standards and that she didn't care if Mrs Crawley did have her own cook, she was responsible for the Granthams' dining and so she would still be firmly in charge. Anna felt a little bad for giggling quietly as Mrs Hughes, her usually calm demeanour exasperated by all the tension of the day, admonished Mrs Patmore in a tone of voice that she only ever used on rare occasions, and then silence fell, before she heard a muttering:

"Oh, who does she think she is, the Queen of Scots indeed…".

Mr Carson was holed up in his pantry, spending at least an hour and a half going over the wine record with an especially cautious eye, as he always was wont to do at Christmas, and the younger hall boys and maids had taken advantage of the festive cheer that was granted to them by spending their free afternoon scooting around out of doors. The peaceful silence surrounding her was really quite pleasing, and something Anna thought she could quite happily get used to. She put down her cocoa, picked up the lace and Lady Mary's hat and began to resume work, her head filling with quiet calm and joyful thoughts of the next day that awaited them all.

She had become so quickly wrapped up in the fluid movement of her fingers and the reverie playing in her mind, tinkling with snow and twinkling lights, choirs and Christmas carols, that she had not discerned the presence of another person entering the room, neither had she been aware that she was humming _Hark The Herald Angels Sing_ rather loudly.

"You should have gone out carol singing with the other girls."

Her face flushed with heat as she raised her eyes from the hat and saw Mr Bates standing not far from the table, smiling. Anna brightened in the falling dusk, and a smile that was perhaps a little too wide – certainly too wide considering she'd just been caught humming a carol like a fool – grew upon her lips.

"Oh, no, Mr Bates. It's quite different when you're not just doing it for yourself. Besides I don't think if I was singing it would be the most pleasant thing for people to have to hear. Certainly not at Christmas, either."

"Well, you seemed perfectly in tune to my ear. Not that I'm any great expert. But I could only believe you would be a fine chorus leader."

She laughed a little. "Thank you for saying so, Mr Bates. I'll be sorry for you when you're proved wrong."

"I'm not sure that will be the case." He smiled sincerely towards her, ambling forward. "May I…?"

"Of course."

As he took his seat next to her, Anna felt herself go warm from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. It wasn't all that uncommon to find themselves sitting together, only if it was for the grand total of five minutes or so every few days, and it seemed to be the case that it was happening a little more frequently just recently. She wasn't sure if she should admit it to herself, not that she would to anyone else, but Anna found that these moments were the things that she really looked forward to each day, were the moments that really made her day. It was nice to simply have the time to talk, especially to Mr Bates. Of course, she enjoyed the company of everyone else, but there was something about Mr Bates. He was just so interesting, always listened intently to whatever she had to say, even if she was talking about the most boring aspects of her day, and expressed genuine interest to hear her ideas and opinions, without ever leading her to divulge anything too revealing. He had always made her feel completely comfortable and at ease. She had known it from the first day he had arrived; that he was a true gentleman, and she had never come across a finer one. This evening, she felt even happier to be there with him and for them to be enjoying each other's company alone. She glanced towards him and a jolt travelled through her, a funny sensation affecting her all of a sudden. It must have been the excitement of the season getting to her, making her feel light and a little dizzy.

"I have to say, I expected things to be a little more frantic today. I don't know if I've ever known it to be so quiet here. His Lordship hasn't requested me to do anything since this morning, so I've been left twiddling my thumbs somewhat."

"It does get like that on Christmas Eve, at least upstairs. They like a rather quiet afternoon, to leave us all to get on. Until the evening dinner, there's not much that really happens, so you shouldn't feel strange," she informed him with a smile. She had forgotten that it was his first Christmas here at Downton, and was a little surprised at the fact. To Anna, it was as if he had been there forever, always reliably in the hall or in Lord Grantham's dressing room, or sometimes, out contemplating in the courtyard, as the night started to fall. She tried to imagine what the house would have been like without his presence, and found that she could not bring the possibility to her mind.

"But I do, a little. I think I'd rather be busy." The tone of his voice took on a low lilt, as he watched her hands work nimbly, fixing the lace to the brim of the hat. "You certainly seem to be as occupied as ever."

"Oh, it's not that much of a job," she shrugged. "Lady Mary wants the hat for the Boxing Day walk, and it only needs a little fixing. It'll be done within ten minutes." She stilled her fingers, holding up the hat to examine her handiwork, and saw him nod in approval from the corner of her eye, not being able to stop the smile igniting in her eyes on his subconscious action. "Then I shall be all done, with no obligations for a whole day, aside from the evening dressing. It's quite the gift for us, to get Christmas Day off. A lot of families aren't quite as gracious as the Crawleys; I know of servants in other households who are on their feet from virtually dawn of Christmas to the next day, doing more than they usually would any other day of the year. We're quite lucky, in that respect. Even if there are some of us who still find something to complain about." She raised her eyebrows at the absent subjects of conversation, and gave a little smirk.

"I can't imagine who you may mean," Mr Bates said in reply, and mirrored her amused expression briefly. "Of course I'm grateful, but I still find it a little strange, to not be doing what I'm employed to do on such an important day. I suppose it's just something I shall have to get used to, whether I like it or not."

Anna was a little bemused by his response, as caught up as she was in cheer for the holiday. "Do you not enjoy Christmas, Mr Bates?" she asked in a light voice, hoping she could pass on some of her enthusiasm onto him.

"Well, I did quite some time ago, but in recent years a few things have made the season not quite as merry as it should be." He let out a sigh. "And I'm sorry to say that they have affected the celebrations for me somewhat, in one way or another."

Immediately, she felt quite ashamed for daring to be so frivolous and invasive with her questioning. Mr Bates was a man who had witnessed war, a thing that did not observe or care for the joys of Christmas, and needless to say she did not know what may have occurred in his life since then, and the last thing she wished to do was to intrude or bring up less than pleasant memories. She had to realise that her view of the season, or indeed the world, was not a universal one.

"Please forgive me, Mr Bates. I was being utterly thoughtless, and I'm truly sorry." Her eyes cast down, and searching to change the subject, she was horrified to find another lapse in concentration had affected her. "Oh, and also excuse my rudeness in not offering you any cocoa. Would you care for some? Mrs Patmore has a bit of a stash, but she certainly wouldn't mind if you were to have a mug."

"No thank you, Anna, I'm perfectly fine." He held out his hands as she made to stand swiftly, urging her to take back her seat. "And you have no need to apologise. It's lovely to see that you enjoy Christmas so much, and you deserve all the free time afforded to you to have some fun." The smile that had appeared when he first entered the hall was back upon his face, and Anna was deeply glad to see it. "Please don't let my view spoil yours. That would be the last thing I'd wish for. Anyway, it's a new start for me here. Everything could change as of yet."

Anna smiled herself to hear him say such a thing, and thought that it had certainly rung true for her. Knowing that it was his first Christmas here had made her think of her own, and she remembered it now as if it were yesterday. She had arrived at Downton Abbey nearly eleven months previous, on a dreary late January day, and instantly she had felt utterly wretched. She felt incredibly silly for doing so, but she had not been able to hold back her tears on the journey from her home, the place where she had lived for 16 and a half years, the place where she was safest and happiest, and from where she hoped she would never leave, though she knew it was inevitable with the failing of her parents' farm. The thought of working and living anywhere else petrified her, but the feelings intensified when she took in the size of the house, and as the door of the hallway shut behind her and she was confronted with so much hustle and bustle immediately it took everything within her not to burst out crying once more. She cried most days and nights, quietly to herself. Although almost everyone was perfectly lovely to her, especially the kind housekeeper and the Crawley girls, who were not that far from her own age, she couldn't help but feel downcast. The days were so long and full, she'd never experienced anything like them; she was permanently exhausted, and very homesick.

It was not until the preparations for Christmas had begun at the house did her sadness start to dissipate, and did so quite rapidly. She watched in wonder as the spectacular Christmas tree was decorated, and was even allowed to hang a couple of baubles upon its branches. In the kitchen, she witnessed the making of gingerbread and mince pies, and relished the taste of some morsels after a busy day, finding herself a lot less intimidated by the brash cook when she saw her close at hand. On Christmas Eve she was amazed to wake and find the estate covered with snow, and was even more stunned when the younger ones, including herself, were allowed to go out and play in it. Later, they all took a trip down to the village to pick out a present each on the courtesy of Lord Grantham, before going to church and then back to the house accompanied by one of the older maids. They were allowed to enter at the front entrance for that one night, and stepping into the shelter and splendour of the house she felt instant comfort and joy. It stayed with her as she lay her head down upon the pillow and woke the next morning, a shining spark lighting and warming her immensely. That Christmas had changed everything for her, and coloured her experience of Downton from then on. Ever since, she had felt for the most part as safe and happy as she had done at her true home. She sincerely hoped that it would have a similar effect on Mr Bates.

As the evening went on, they sat talking easily, and Anna told Mr Bates of all the Christmas customs of the Crawley household, including the tradition of the servants receiving a gift from the family on Christmas morning.

"It's only something quite little, but whatever we get is lovely. Last year I had a bottle of Lady Mary's rose and lavender hand cream, and I'm sure I used it all up by the start of February."

She giggled before a little silence fell, and she pondered awhile. She wasn't really sure if she should say anything, not after how her last question went, but felt quite happier and more relaxed now, so decided to venture after all.

"Is there anything you wish for for Christmas, Mr Bates?"

He seemed to stare hard at the space above their heads, before he regarded her thoughtfully. "I can't say that there is, especially. I'm inclined to think that being allowed to stay on here is enough of a gift in itself, so I daren't ask for anything more."

Anna smiled softly at his reply, before letting her gaze fall into her lap, a little dreamily. She really didn't know why she should feel such a sensation come over her on hearing his voice, and feeling his eyes fixing upon her for however briefly. She'd been set into quite a daze, her eyes drifting upwards to watch the flickering of the candle within the lamp intently, when he shook her gently out of it.

"How about you, Anna? What would you like for Christmas?"

Her lips quirked into a cheerful smirk at his reciprocated question.

"Well, there is one thing, but I'm afraid I can't tell you, Mr Bates. Not because I wouldn't like you to know, but because I'm afraid that if anybody found out, it would mean that there would be less chance of it being granted to me."

Her smile grew larger as he smiled knowingly back at her, standing from the table and walking across into the centre of the hall.

"I understand, and that's very sensible of you. I'm sure that whatever it is, it shall be yours. Patience is always rewarded."

She laughed to herself to hear him echo her mother's sentiments, feeling a warmth spread within her stomach as many memories from the past entwined with this simple, but quite perfect, part of the present. Mr Bates stood with his back to her as she remained at the table, fiddling a little aimlessly with the mended hat. He seemed to be lost in thought once more, as he was prone to do, and Anna let him be. She had to confess, she was most intrigued by him at these moments, when he went off into another world entirely. Then, her own thoughts were completely absorbed with wondering where he might be. Though she would never wish to intrude into the most personal corners of his mind, she found that she could not refrain from wanting to simply search him out, for them to journey into some hidden realm of imagination together. She knew she would most likely never get the chance but nevertheless, she enjoyed the little flights of fancy that he inspired in her every now and then. He shifted his weight ever so slightly where he stood and Anna's eyes were drawn to detailing the outline of his figure. In the dim light she silently studied every element; the really rather elegant fingers that wrapped around his cane, his broad shoulders and the strong curve of his back, his long legs and stance that was still so assured, ever-so refined. After a few long moments, and even though he could not have possibly noticed her doing so, Anna realised she was staring a little too intently and at once she dropped her gaze back to the hat in her hands, trying her best to curb the heated blush that she could feel had appeared upon her face.

"I had better go on and start preparing; the dressing gong will sound sooner than we think."

Her eyes drifted back upwards to observe the clock. "Goodness, so it will. I won't be far behind."

After he had departed, she rose too, rinsing her now empty mug and then carefully placing Lady Mary's hat in the box that lay at the foot of the table, ready to take back upstairs. Anna stretched out her arms, walking slowly around for a little while, still relishing the peace of an absolutely empty hall and the funny but really quite pleasant mixture of tranquillity and gaiety that had pervaded her this evening. Smiling, she shook her head as she made to leave, wondering whether she would still feel like such a child at Christmastime for years as yet to come.

Going out into the hallway, she was a bit surprised to find a shadow standing at the other end, just a little way away from the door.

"Mr Bates…?" She questioned in a cautious tone, though there was no mistaking that it was indeed him. "Are you alright? I expected you'd be well gone by now."

"Yes, I'm quite well," his voice sounded out without turning round to face her, his head craned upwards to the invisible sky. "I did have the intention certainly, but I've been stopped in my tracks by what's happening out there. Have you seen, Anna – it's started to snow."

Anna couldn't stop an elated gasp from escaping her, and after a mere second, ran down the length of the hallway, believing in him implicitly but anxious to see for herself. Reaching her destination faster than she had intended, she very nearly knocked him from his feet as she scrambled to the door with boundless enthusiasm. Her eyes shot up towards him in embarrassment, yet his looked back only in amusement at the force of nature that was so neatly contained in her petite frame.

"Excuse me, Mr Bates."

"It's fine, really. You're obviously very excited." He smirked down at her. "Are you sure Mrs Patmore hasn't put another ingredient in that cocoa?"

"I'm quite sure," she giggled gleefully, returning his gaze before she looked up to catch sight of the white flakes swirling from the window. "I can tell you now, Mr Bates; it's not a secret anymore, because it's come true." Her voice came out a little shakily. "What I really wanted for Christmas was the snow. I know it's a simple thing, but I wanted it most of all." She watched out in sheer wonder, not noticing the way he was smiling with such warmth and affection towards her, in all of her sheer joy.

"Well, what did I say. I knew that you would get exactly what you wished for. And it's not even Christmas yet. You're very lucky, Miss Smith."

"That I am." The grin grew even wider on her face on hearing him call her by her formal name. Splaying her hands against the door, she arched herself upwards to attempt to get a better view of the snow that was now coming down rapidly, falling softly to the ground like a mass of fine, fluffy feathers that had exploded from the clouds above.

"It's not the clearest view," she heard Mr Bates say at her side. "We'll see more with the door open."

"Oh, I don't know. It's getting rather late. Mr Carson would get quite alarmed."

"I suspect not even a sleigh landing on the roof of the house would disturb Mr Carson from his occupation at the moment. And even he would want to see the snowfall for a minute or two, on Christmas Eve."

Carefully and deftly, without the slightest sound, he slipped the lock of the door free and the winter night unfolded before them both. A blast of arctic wind whirled in towards them immediately, yet inside Anna felt warmer than she had the entire evening as she observed the snowflakes all around, glistening as brilliantly as diamonds against the black cloak of night. Already, she could not wait to awake tomorrow and find the landscape encased in a deep and completely untouched blanket of white, possessed straight away by the urge to sink her feet within.

"Oh, it's all so lovely, Mr Bates. Don't you think?" she sighed.

"It is. Very lovely, indeed."

From the corner of her eye, she glimpsed him watching the snowy sky, almost as enchanted as she was at that very minute, and smiled to think that his opinion of the season may already be altering without him being aware of it doing so.

She found that she could not hold her impulses back any longer, and before she was aware, she had stepped out into the yard to become a part of the scene that was calling out to her. Shivering a little, she held out her hands to catch the flakes as they fell, keeping them alive for a moment before they melted upon her fingertips. Delighted, Anna threw her head back, not caring that the icy drops were fluttering onto her face and eyelashes; instead, inviting more to cascade down upon her. Amidst the dark, there was a layer of sky that seemed to radiate and she spotted a singular star within it, bursting and shining with brilliance. She knew before she started to do so that it was childish, but the whole atmosphere had left her so enamoured and she felt so much like she had been thrown back in time that it seemed to be an instinct. Like the snow did, Anna twirled and spun, arms whirling about her and feet lifting from the ground effortlessly. The white crystals that continued to settle in her hair made her shine iridescently as the rest danced around her form, her laughter dancing and drifting on the air.

As her body swirled within the dark of the evening, giggling as she did so, her flittering eyes caught sight of Mr Bates with a honeyed glow around him in the frame of the door. He had a wonderful grin on his lips and in his gaze as he looked out at her, the kind of which she had never seen before upon his features. It had lit him up entirely, and all the while his eyes never left her. Anna came to a standstill facing away from him for a moment and smiled, feeling every inch of herself pulsate under his attentive stare.

Suddenly aware that time must have been marching on, she turned and ran with hurried steps across the yard and up the little stone steps. The open doorway welcomed her into its embrace and she stood, regaining her breath which had caught a little with the chill, almost close enough that her body could have been brushing against his. The air between them emanated with heat, and her rosy cheeks and reddened nose burnt bitterly against the dramatic change in temperature. They both looked down at her fingers, which had turned raw and numb in the cold.

"It doesn't take much for my hands to turn to ice," she laughed, shaking them slightly by her sides to try to get some feeling back.

"You have a warm heart."

Mr Bates smiled kindly at her, and then reaching slightly, took one of her hands in his. Though his touch was incredibly gentle, Anna inhaled sharply at the contact. She was stunned, in a very nice way, and found that she forgot for a moment where she was; she imagined she might have been in another world. Her eyes fell upon his fingers that were working against her own, rubbing tenderly over each in turn. Now they were quite warm indeed, and she felt a tingling sensation start up deep within the pit of her stomach as he swiped softly over her knuckles. She gazed upwards to find his hazel eyes firm upon her, and hers locked with them for a minute that stretched into an eternity. Though her senses were fast slipping from her grasp as she lost herself, unable to tear away from his gaze, so dark and deep and entirely captivating, a myriad of colours colliding in the irises, Anna was now quite certain that she could not mistake it, certainly not at such close hand. The way he was looking at her so intently, looking into her, in a way she had not encountered before. A shiver glided across her shoulder blades, and once more she was aware of his hand holding hers, so delicately. His light touch upon her skin was affecting her profoundly and was quite wonderful, yet in that overwhelming moment she felt a desperate need for more. Before she could lace her fingers in his own, he swiftly suspended the touch, dropping his hand to his side. Anna searched for some words that appeared suddenly invisible to her sight.

"We should get ourselves upstairs."

"Yes," she stuttered out.

He moved to close and bolt the door behind them, she standing frozen to the spot, watching as he then made to head up the staircase.

"I shall see you later on, Anna."

"Yes. Good evening, Mr Bates."

His figure once again disappeared, and instead of following, Anna found herself walking hazily back into the deserted hall. Sitting down in her seat, she picked up the hatbox subconsciously and placed it against her knees. Her right hand rested against its top and she found herself staring down, studying it like she was seeing it for the first time. She could still feel the press of his fingers against the skin there, and a thousand tingles were sent running up and down her spine on the recollection. A laugh erupted from her lips, and she shook her head once more in amazement.

She might have hoped to be granted one Christmas gift tonight, but she had certainly not bargained on receiving another that was quite unexpected.


	2. Christmas 1914

It was far too early to be heading to bed on Christmas Eve – any other year, her joyful excitement for the season would keep her up amongst the younger members of the household, who were equally as giddy and all eager to make the most of an incredibly rare opportunity to enjoy a late night – but Anna had had to concede defeat. The giggles and chatter of the junior maids followed her down the hallway as she wrapped the old shawl tighter around her shoulders, stifling a sneeze. She'd fetched it from her room hastily before dinner, throwing it over her uniform in the hope that it would disguise her shivering. It didn't quite do the trick; her pale, drained face and heavy lids were noticeable straightaway to anyone who glanced towards her, and Mrs Hughes seemed to sense them by simply walking into the room and taking but a mere glimpse at her back. Somehow, she'd managed to make her way valiantly through the meal before the housekeeper insisted that she go to rest, with the promise that she'd send up her usual miracle cure of a Beechams' powder later on. Anna was glad of the excusal; her legs and feet had seemed to only throb more intensely since they'd arrived back and there had set up a pounding against her temples which did nothing to ease the burning in her throat. Letting out a barely audible sigh, she thought it a little unusual that she hadn't been able to recall ever being unwell at Christmas before. There was a first time for everything, she supposed. And somehow, in a funny way, it seemed rather appropriate this year. All day long, she'd been affected with the strangest of moods, unable to shake a feeling of dejection. It fitted with the atmosphere that was persisting around; save for a few younger ones, who still acknowledged that they should keep their enthusiasm hidden until the hastening of the day, there was a distinct deficiency of festive cheer apparent within the walls of the house.

It shouldn't have been a shock to anyone, really; they all knew that this Christmastime would be out of the ordinary, an occasion touched by solemnity and not just the shadow but the solid, corporeal threat of war looming over the country. Even those who had never experienced war before, and those who were lucky enough to be quite set away from it, could not fail to be affected by its impact, already so consuming. At its announcement, a little less than six months previous, the talk from all quarters had been relatively reassuring, if perhaps rather wishful thinking: that the whole thing would blow over in a matter of months, if not even weeks, and all being resolved, the world would be able to return comfortably and reliably to the way it had been before the dreadful news came. Yet it was now quite clear that such conjecture was precisely that and nothing more, and far from being something that would meet a swift end was instead only just at its beginnings, likely to last for years yet, and to haunt a number of other Christmases to come. The thought made Anna mourn, even though thankfully she had not known anyone close enough to her to be personally affected. Though Downton had somehow managed to so far avoid misfortune, it was mounting all around and lying in wait to strike. The newspapers were full of it, the casualties and bloodshed, and telegrams had been received by Lord Grantham, informing him of the tragedy that had befallen other families the Crawleys knew and households once visited. Already, so many lives lost, never to return and see in another new year ever again; so many more lives irrevocably torn apart. The comfort of the season far away; for a great number it was likely to be lost forever.

Anna suspected that something may have been lost for her too, in her sudden sorrow. The arrival of war had quite chased away much of the Christmas spirit for everyone, and it seemed to be only understandable, if not more than a little sad. But for her especially, the enforced change in perspective had had a most significant impact. It had come as a realisation, one which was undoubtedly harsh but which she reasoned was something she probably needed to have been aware of some years ago; that viewing Christmas with innocent eyes and clinging onto a cosy nostalgia for everything about it in a childlike fashion was simply too idealistic, and definitely not proper for a responsible senior housemaid who was expected to have her head fixed very firm upon her shoulders. Yet, Anna still reasoned that now, and especially whilst merely on the edges of a situation that was ticking away, waiting to implode, the need to hope was more urgent than ever. Of course, she shared the collective wish of everyone within the house and beyond: for war to be concluded as soon as was possible. It would take a certain miracle for it to be fulfilled this year, but there was a chance, however remote at the present moment, of it being heard and heeded for the future, if they all wished and prayed hard enough. However silly it made her seem, there was a part of her which would refuse to relinquish her spirit completely.

And yet, Anna could not pretend there did not exist another entirely different reason for her feeling so uncharacteristically dispirited, aside from the ongoing war and her impending illness. She felt terribly selfish and ashamed to admit it with all surrounding the whole household that was of much more significance, but she was never able to lie to her heart, certainly not at Christmas and most definitely not over the matter that had all but consumed it completely. Now more than ever, she found that it had swelled, and quite frequently ached from the intensity at which it felt. Far from being two separate entities, her head was complicit in the bittersweet ordeal too, the perfect partner in crime, filling with thoughts of nothing but him at almost every minute of the day; each and every path leading back to his look, his touch, his smiles that seemed to be reserved for her alone. She cherished all of these things, didn't know how she had sustained without them in her life, yet their presence so near and yet still so truly distant was driving her ever closer to the brink of despair. At times, she felt as if she were quite mad, but she had supposed that's what love might be: a sort of madness, that there was no escape from. And now, she knew for sure that was exactly what it was.

There was no denying it. She had confessed it to herself, and to him some while ago, and the fact had remained as if it had been set in stone, destined to be from the very beginning of time. That she, Anna Smith, was utterly in love with Mr Bates.

It had been more than a year since she had dared to reveal what she felt, and time had done nothing to diminish its extent. In fact, it was quite the reverse. With each second that passed, she could sense her love for him growing stronger within her and could most certainly feel herself falling rapidly, with nothing in sight or reach for her to grasp onto to halt her descent. It was unstoppable, and she did not wish to ever stop loving him. The very thought was impossible. Even if he did not reciprocate, it would not matter. Her heart would shatter and splinter within her chest if she found that that was indeed the case, yet it would still beat only for him and do so gladly, with the knowledge that for as long as she continued to live, it would never come across a better man nor a greater love. Still, she remained quietly confident of the fact that her love was returned by him, however covertly. In all the months that had gone by, nothing had happened to change their circumstances. He had not done anything drastic or said anything to her that confirmed, or otherwise denied, the depth of his feelings. Up until very recently, Anna had taken that to be a positive. Anything else would have been quite out of character, and so would have only set her to worrying.

Besides, she had been aware of many little things that he did, increasing in frequency of late, all of which she took as sure signs of how much he truly cared for her, and it was the little things that Anna knew meant most of all, especially when it came to Mr Bates. His eyes catching hers across the hall, the flashes of a smile he would give to her in a moment of lightness or the silent reassurance deep within his gaze when tension had been caused. How he would wait for her downstairs after an evening where she'd been working all hours, with a carefully chosen book for both of them to read, or just the simple, comforting silence of his company if she could not possibly think of doing anything else after such a long and busy day. The way he would stand by the door, ready to pass her hat and coat to her as they set off as a group to walk to the church. The way, this evening as they had walked out into the bracing winter wind and he had noticed her shudder and the goosepimples instantly prickle upon her bare neck, he had offered her the use of his scarf. How, when she had obliged, he had placed it around her so delicately, with the tips of his fingers brushing carefully against the hair at the nape of her neck and ghosting upon her collarbone for the briefest of moments. Anna had had to close her eyes then, remembering with such vivid recollection the first time she had felt his touch fall upon her so tenderly, and dare she say lovingly. Two years almost to the exact second. She had pinpointed it precisely as the moment she was awakened, the moment he had revealed and she had realised her true feelings for him.

There were so many signs, and even though a part of her wondered whether she had been simply looking too hard for them, was creating them from thin air with her own ever hopeful but ultimately hopeless heart, she would never dare ignore them. But just days ago, something else had seemed to falter within her, something that required a more decisive action. Neither of them had acted; Anna was only too aware of her reasons for refraining, and could only wonder at his, but would always remain completely respectful of them. She would not pry or push, and most certainly did not want to cause him any embarrassment. Then, there was also the possibility that her assumptions may have been simply that, yet he was just too full of manners and honour to put her right. Even considering the situation in which he did tell her, in a quiet, remorseful moment, that he was heartily sorry if his actions had misled her in any way and he viewed her as a dear friend, indeed the best he'd ever had, but nothing more, made her flush and shrink. Yet some inexplicably tenacious part of her resolved that such a moment would not occur. It seemed to know so much more than she did, and also knew that Mr Bates must have been as disconcerted and frustrated as she was becoming at their relationship coming to something of a standstill.

Despite the spectre of the war hanging heavy, the Christmas preparations went on apace in the house, and there had hardly been a second in the last few days and weeks that didn't find them all rushing to and fro. When by a miraculous incidence they'd both been in the hall at the same time, they were both so occupied with several tasks at once or the atmosphere around them had been so busy that it was impossible for Anna to gather her thoughts in respect to the matter, never mind speak them aloud. The chaos had only subsided earlier this evening, as finally all had been passed by Mr Carson as being more than satisfactory, just in time for them to set off for Christmas mass. In the calm that had started to settle, Anna's heart began to jump wildly in her chest. She had made the decision: this was the time she would tell him, once and for all. She didn't know when there would be another chance; even with their free Christmas Day, they most likely wouldn't get a great deal of time to talk alone, not like they would while on their journey into the village, and it seemed like something she needed to declare out in the open air. The memory of their walk to the flower show last year, when she had first spoken so boldly about everything that was within her heart, was suddenly resurrected and for a few seconds she felt entirely perturbed. Yet the thought only seemed to make her more determined. So much had changed since then, though it did not appear so on the surface.

She sucked in a breath as she beheld his figure, waiting patiently in the doorway for her to arrive at his side and very well could have burst with love when he so chivalrously, yet so understated, took the soft woollen garment from his person and insisted that she take it for herself. As they set off together, staying a little distance behind the others in the slightly slower pace that was now second nature to her, Anna gathered the scarf higher around her chin and dipped her head down, inhaling his scent that clung onto the fibres, and was now embracing her. Their conversation began as naturally as ever despite their enforced absence of late, entirely at ease as they talked about the joys – and weariness – of the season, the goings-on of the house and caught up on one another's days. Aware that she was doing most of the talking, Anna's stomach pulsed with anxiety and apprehension with each shared step that they took, which only increased when she paused to observe the shadow cast upon his face, noticeable even in the failing light. Though he was listening to her, making repeated assurances that told her so, she knew that he was distracted once more, so it seemed more than ever. Anna dropped her head as they walked on in silence, hearing running steps approaching rapidly behind them, encroaching on her own thoughts. A rather breathless Mr Molesley was suddenly on the other side of her, attempting to feign surprise at the fact it was really them he had seen in the distance. She nodded with a weary smile on her face as he continued to chatter, and she hadn't even heard him when he had enquired whether he might have the chance to discuss some matter with her before they got to the church. It was Mr Bates who had nudged her arm slightly, encouraged her to walk ahead with Mr Molesley.

" _I can't keep you all to myself."_

Her steps faltered at first, reluctant to walk out of his step, until Mr Molesley quickened his pace along the road and she found herself having to run a little to keep up with him and his fevered conversation. Anna was polite and listened as intently as she could, although her concentration was certainly not at its full potential. She had to stop herself from glancing over her shoulder every minute, to look back at Mr Bates longingly. In the minutes she could not resist, she was instantly saddened upon gazing towards him. The figure that stood filled with pride before they had departed the house was now hunched and forlorn as he ambled along the path. He seemed to be retreating backwards rather than moving forwards, his pace slowed considerably. Anna was so worried; the biting cold would be the worst enemy, he must have been in agony with his leg. Still, it appeared to be nothing compared to the mental torment that had reared up within him again, striking anew with such force that she tried her utmost to but could not truly comprehend. Deep within her, Anna sighed. If only he would let down his unmovable barriers and let her in. She ached for the chance to be able to soothe and heal him, if not completely then at least in some deeper way than she was able to now, standing from afar. If only she could know of all he held inside his head. She wanted for nothing more than to be absolutely and resolutely sure of everything within him. In her heart, she was already quite sure that she knew every aspect, could make sense of it all clearer than he was able to, but it did not make any of it easier on her, especially when she saw him like this, so fraught with silent anguish.

She was greedy. The simple but significant affirmation of his feelings was not all that she wanted. A more consuming desire had been set deep in her, burning and writhing and sending her madder than she suspected she already was. What she longed for, with every inch and breath of her being, every time she so much as looked upon him for a second, was to kiss him. The mere thought flushed her from head to toe, and she knew she shouldn't have given herself so wildly to such an indulgent and hopeless fantasy but she could not help it. Ever since that night months ago when they had stood in the courtyard, shadows caressing, breaths and very souls mingling, she had dreamt of it, sometimes so lucidly that when she awoke she was sure the print of his lips was still pressed to hers and tears had welled in her tired eyes. Every time she closed her eyes, she could not shake the image; of him taking her hand once more so gently in his, his eyes bearing down upon her, his head lowering to meet hers. The anticipation of his lips so close to hers, sensing them so near even as her eyelids had fluttered shut, the world that had enveloped them for the sweetest of seconds. She imagined in many ways what it would have been like if there had been no interruptions. How his mouth would have fitted against hers, how his lips would have felt upon her own. She fascinated herself with thinking of their texture, their taste. She knew they would be warm, even as they were touched by the brisk night air, and ever so welcoming, and, a little surprisingly, soft. Her own would seek for more contact as they continued their kisses in the moonlight, wanting, needing to know so much that she could forever commit the feel of them to her memory as well as her senses. Yet she could not recall. She raged at herself for being the one to run away, for not waiting just a minute longer for the panic to fade away. Perhaps he had thought that somehow she was relieved for the noise sounding in the near-distance, and that was why he had not dared to try again ever since. A thousand dreams would have to do; she certainly could not see the opportunity unfolding real and true before her eyes any time soon. The pain that wracked at her chest was real, and made her feel like she would fall apart.

But still, even as so much uncertainty persisted and pain affected them both profoundly, she knew of his love, knew that she was loved by him, and the joy of it was more than enough to surpass everything. They sat side by side in the pew of the church, and as she listened intently to Reverend Travis speaking upon the altar, she could feel the words and atmosphere affect her and love radiate through her. She listened as he spoke of the first Christmas; how initially it had been a time of great fear and trepidation for all those who looked up into the sky to see a star that had nearly blinded them with its power, those who speculated in whispers about the new saviour that was to be born. None was so fearful as the virgin mother, who travelled a long, hard road, striving to bring her child safely into the world. But amidst it all and at the end, there came such overwhelming joy. This Christmas the world was facing great fear once more, he said, indeed the greatest it seemed there had ever been to face.

Anna's eyes flickered across; she saw that his head was bent down, his gaze fallen to the floor but still she knew it was clouded, was darker now even in the warm light of the church.

Yet there would be no need to fear, for the heart of the very first Christmas was as true now as it ever was. It was a time of comfort, a time of peace, even for the most troubled of souls. The child king had brought love into the world on his birth, which still remained; love was the strongest saviour of all, and would conquer all fear. Anna smiled and bowed her head to say a silent prayer, before the organ erupted and they all rose to their feet, beginning to sing. As the hymn travelled down from the front of the church, beautiful but bittersweet, tinged with a slight melancholy of the particular occasion, moonlight streamed through the stained glass window, setting everything alive with a wonderful glow. Despite it all, she felt an incredible peace flow through her, which was only centred with his presence next to her. Anna glanced at him once more, seeing his mouth stumble a little over the song that was not entirely familiar to him. While everyone else was absorbed and distracted, she touched a hand gently to his arm and looked up at him, hoping to issue some of the comfort she felt right then and wanted so much to give him. His eyes instantly turned to hers and he added to the shine with a soft smile. Her heart leapt. It was in such moments that she knew. Knew that, even if he couldn't say it, he did love her. And she loved him too, with everything she had.

The pressure in her head intensified, and she stopped to rub her hand rather fruitlessly just above her eyes before she pushed the door, which Mrs Hughes had left unlocked for her, open with as much energy as she could muster. Anna had entered into the female sleeping quarters and was just about to close the door when she was stopped from doing so by a whisper behind her.

"Anna."

Even with the pulsing pain in her head, she could not keep the smile from springing on her lips.

"Mr Bates," she turned around, opening the door wider and standing just on the edge of the doorway, watching him as he lingered in the distance. "I'm a little surprised to see you here. Though it's quite a nice surprise." She cringed a little as she heard her words out loud, but a ghost of a smile simply passed across his face.

"I just wanted to check you were well. It's quite unlike you to retire so early, though you looked tired at dinner."

She thrilled inside at his simple, meaningful gesture.

"It's very kind of you, Mr Bates. I do feel a little under the weather; I think I may be coming down with a cold. And just in time for Christmas, too," she said, a little sadly.

"Terrible luck. The walk to church likely didn't help matters."

"Oh, I don't think it had much to do with it. I meant to say, thank you ever so much for letting me borrow your scarf this evening. I'm not sure where my mind was, forgetting my own. I think it must have gone to my head already."

Mr Bates smiled warmly. "You're more than welcome." He shifted on his feet slightly, still some way away from her.

"If you're meaning to stay here for a bit, you may as well come a little closer," she endeavoured. "I don't think I'm contagious just yet. And my throat is too sore to be throwing my voice down the hallway."

His smile grew wider, and on her request he hobbled along to arrive outside the doorway.

"Is your leg troubling you?" she asked, noticing that it had taken him a little longer than usual to make it across the way and her concern from earlier rose back up again.

"Oh, not much." He gazed down. "A little more than it normally does, but that's expected with such temperatures. Don't be worrying about me, not when you're not well yourself."

She smiled at the self-deprecation in his eyes, but felt a little troubled by it.

"But I do worry, Mr Bates. I know you don't want me to, but I'll do it all the same. So the least you can do is be honest, and lessen it at least a little."

He took her teasing in good spirits, and she couldn't help but wonder how he might react if she was more forthcoming still.

"Well then, I will. But only if you acknowledge that I should worry about you too." He looked up towards her with such a twinkle in his eyes, telling of all his concern for her, and she felt her hand scramble against the doorframe for sudden support, before she smiled.

"I will do that. And be very gracious for it. But really, I'm not too bad. I'm a trooper."

"Oh, I know that," he smiled. "But you have to indulge my worried head, just to be sure."

Anna couldn't help but laugh, even if a sharp pang stabbed against her temples as she did so.

"Very well."

A little silence fell between them after she gave him his reassurance, turning to contemplation once more.

"On that note, I wish to say that I'm sorry if I worried you by seeming distant earlier on." She looked up to see him gazing at her attentively, and full of earnestness. "I don't want you to feel that you may be at fault, because you weren't at all. I had some things on my mind." He cast his eyes down again briefly, before finding hers again. "I just hope I didn't drag you down."

"Not at all. I can't say I understand, or even really that I imagine because that would be untrue of me to admit, but I'm aware it mustn't be easy for you, with all that is happening and all the things you have known and seen for yourself." She paused to swallow the pain briefly away from her throat. "It must bring a lot of terrible memories back. And I'm heartily sorry for that."

Mr Bates did not say anything, but returned her gaze with a quiet nod.

"And forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but you should know you can always talk to me, if things are ever troubling you." She wanted him to be absolutely certain of her unwavering support for him. "I can't say that I can give any solutions, but I can listen. That's something in itself."

"Thank you, Anna. I should hate to trouble you…"

She felt inclined to cut him short, though she felt bad for doing so.

"What did we just agree about worrying about each other? I think we should also agree to not let the others' concerns trouble us too. Because it would be anything but for me."

"A point very well made."

Anna felt the time slipping away effortlessly and found she was quite forgetting about her ailments as she continued to stand, gazing deep into his dark eyes. His words shook her out of another daydream that she was slipping into.

"There was another motive for my coming here to see you."

She flushed a little as her mind begin to race with thoughts that were not at all helpful, the fingers of her right hand fiddling a little with the fraying edges of her shawl. "Oh?"

His hands moved behind his back. "I know it's not quite Christmas yet, but I wasn't sure how early you'd be down in the morning." They appeared in front of her, holding a little package of brown paper with a shining red ribbon wrapped around it. Anna's face lit up at the unexpected surprise.

"It's not much, I'm afraid, and you might find it not incredibly exciting, but I hope you like it anyway."

His voice trembled slightly as she teared at the paper with abandon, so excited and touched by whatever it may be, the first Christmas present he had given her. She smiled as she uncovered the contents; a pack of beautiful linen handkerchiefs, crisp white with little purple flowers embroidered around the edges.

"Mr Bates, they're lovely." She gazed up to see him shifting about, rather modestly. "And they're certainly going to come in useful now. Thank you."

Just before he moved to point it out, she felt the leather left encased within the paper under her fingertips. She folded it back and lifted the remaining present up; a soft, maroon-coloured strip, a bookmark. Turning it over in her hands, she saw an emblem of a blooming red rose at the bottom.

"Like I say, it isn't much. I was sure you may already have one, but then I noticed you always fold over the pages of your books to keep your place."

She coloured a little to think of him observing her so closely. "It's a terrible habit, I know. I was sure one day his Lordship would notice, and never let me borrow anything from the library again." They shared a smile. "But I needn't worry any longer. This is beautiful. I'm ever so grateful."

And she was; they were such lovely, incredibly thoughtful presents. She had expected nothing less from him. She also smiled within herself at his choice of a bookmark, hoping he wasn't aware of the funny thoughts such an apparently simple and entirely practical present had produced in her. Of course whenever she could, and when the hour wasn't too late, she always preferred to read with him. They'd take turns to read chapters to one another, and it wasn't entirely to chance that Anna ensured that she'd often happen upon the shorter ones. It was a little unfair, but she just loved to hear him read out loud. He had such a way of bringing the words to life from the page, a manner so unique and utterly involving, holding her completely captive with every syllable. But on another level, she simply adored his voice. Its tone was so rich, so soothing and invigorating in equal measure, and she thrilled to hear the lilt of a subtle Irish burr resonate when he pronounced certain phrases. When he dropped to a lower register, she felt quite peculiarly pleasant indeed. She couldn't refrain from carrying his voice with her, it sounding every word strong and sure as she read to herself, in the hall in a free half-an-hour, in the library, while she lay in bed. She had to stop herself from blushing bright at the thought of the last scene, but it was her second favourite place to read. Letting the leather slide between her fingers, she thought that he really would never be out of her mind now; with this, she'd have a permanent reminder of him speaking to her so softly, saying the most fantastic things…and that was something she was certainly most grateful for.

She also thought of the package she had, amongst the bustle of the season, taken the time to wrap carefully and stored away in the little cabinet by her bedside. She knew she wanted to get him a gift, but it had taken her a while to figure out exactly what it would be. It wasn't too presumptuous to say that she believed she had a good knowledge of his tastes and interests; her main problem was buying something that would potentially be quite inappropriate and unwittingly reveal something that would leave them both quite discomfited. She'd stood in the village bookshop on several afternoons but found herself quite overwhelmed, confronted with shelves full of books many of which she was sure he'd already read. Rather embarrassingly, she couldn't stop her eye from arriving at the more romantic poetry, which definitely would not have been acceptable. On her last trip into Ripon, she'd seen what she had considered to be ideal for a first Christmas gift, and quickly snapped it up. A very attractive fountain pen and a leather bound notebook, which contained beautifully edged paper. She knew that he frequently wrote to his mother in London, usually on whatever scraps of paper that could be found. This would be a gift that both could benefit from, and having met Mrs Bates somewhat unexpectedly and liking her very much, Anna was very happy of that. She confessed to herself at being a little intrigued by thinking of him writing lengthy letters, wondering the ways in which he would express himself upon paper. Perhaps he was more comfortable in that outlet, felt easy enough to let his emotions run free. Or perhaps he remained just the same. She imagined receiving a letter herself from him one day, reading his words and hearing him again in her head, saying things from the heart, things he would never dare to speak to her. She wanted to rush into her room and bring the gift to him now to reciprocate, eager to learn his reaction, but something made her wait. She just sincerely hoped that he would appreciate it as much as she did his to her. She was still studying them considerately as she felt his eyes resting upon her once more.

"Well, I'm very glad that you're pleased with them. I hope that they've cheered you up a little."

"Oh, they certainly have. More than that."

Even without them, she would have been as cheery as she was now, simply with him standing in front of her, smiling that special smile that made his eyes crinkle ever so slightly, the smile that made her feel so warm inside. Unconsciously, she pulled the shawl a little tighter around herself as she kept staring into his eyes, detailing each little crinkle around the edges and loving them completely. It was a moment she had lived almost exactly before. She remembered it as if it were yesterday; the last time she had been ill and he had come to her, carrying a tray that he'd prepared so considerately up the stairs, and she'd been so overwhelmed but at the same time incredibly touched. It was another moment that had made her realise that he was the one she had been waiting for her whole life, without her even being aware. The love that she had dared not dream of come alive, within him.

Just as she was gazing at him so he was doing the very same back at her, and time had been suspended completely.

"I'll let you rest," he said in barely a whisper. "I hope you'll feel much better in the morning."

She smiled a little sadly, not wanting him to leave just yet, but knowing she couldn't keep him there all night.

"Thank you, Mr Bates. I'm sure I will. A good night's sleep always works wonders. Plus I can't miss out on Mrs Patmore's Christmas pudding, so I shall make myself better, come hell or high water."

He gave her another wide smile before he turned to head back down the corridor.

"Good night, Anna."

"Good night, Mr Bates. And make sure you don't think too much, else you'll end up with a headache worse than mine."

She remained in the doorway, watching his figure move further away, finding that it was impossible for her to take her eyes from his back and turn away herself, to where she knew she should go. Instead she was arrested, enamoured completely by the sight of every single careful movement of his. Suddenly he stopped, lingering halfway down the hall, twisting his cane upon the floor and raising his other hand to stroke the back of his head. He shifted, and hesitated, before finally he turned back in her direction once more.

"Anna, I…"

He faltered, and the clouds seemed to have descended upon his face once more, until his gaze found hers again and they began to clear.

"This evening, when you observed me so deep in thought…I gather you may have got the wrong impression about just what my thoughts were."

Anna felt her features crease in puzzlement as he made his way back to her.

"I…well, something had been on my mind. It's perhaps not quite accurate to say it was troubling me. I needed some direction, some guidance, with the matter. I definitely did not expect to come across it in church, but I suppose wonders shall never cease. Especially not at this time of year."

She smiled and glanced down, feeling a little overcome at the presence of him being so close to her once more.

"I may not have taken it exactly in the way it was intended, but it affected me, what was being said about Christmas. Of it being a time to overcome fear; the season of comfort, love, joy. I have not really regarded it in that manner for some time, but I know that I have felt joy in the last two years. Joy that I did not think I would feel ever again, and joy that has been quite greater than most of what I have known."

Her eyes flickered up to find him regarding her so intently and she coloured quite profusely. It was rather a good job she was feeling out of sorts as it was, as he could not possibly mean…

He looked down briefly, before finding her guiding light again. "I think, or at least I hope, that you know my meaning."

"Mr Bates," she began defiantly, "I may have a few talents, but mind reading isn't one of them. No matter how hard I might try to perfect the art."

She wasn't sure if she had spoken out of line with her mischievous tone, but his soft half-smile said otherwise.

"I'm sorry I can be so maddening." He inched a little closer to her still and she welcomed his warm breath falling upon her face, fighting to keep her eyes open and not surrender to another dream. "I've fought for some time, and I'm still not sure that it's right I should admit it, but I can't help finding that I cannot care."

Anna felt her heart thud as she comprehended his words. Seizing the door handle and stepping at his side, she took the chance to place her hand upon his arm and be bold.

"Mr Bates, come inside."

His eyes raised on hearing her request, and he half-stepped back.

"Are you quite sure?"

"Yes," she whispered perhaps a little too impulsively, spurred on by what she was now sure he was about to say. "Nobody will be up here for a while, and they're all so preoccupied anyway. Just for a minute."

Her eyes imploring at him, he braced the threshold and she shut the door softly behind them, his hand catching hers as it sprung from the handle. They manoeuvred around each other in the tight space, and Anna lifted her head, drawn back to his inviting gaze once more, darkened by an emotion that didn't worry but only thrilled her. Her eyes dropped to take in the curve of his lips as he moved to speak again.

"I have tried to hide, and I've tried to lie, more for your sake than my own, but it's no use. I have to be truthful, especially considering that its Christmas. The season of the heart. And I've been far too unkind to mine, and yours too."

She smiled at him, eyes and heart glowing with his confession, that she had so longed to hear.

"But, you should know, that whatever the time, it will still be just as true." He paused to look deep into her eyes. "You do know that?"

"I do now."

Anna exhaled her words softly as she edged ever nearer to him, the space between them barely apparent. As he glanced downwards, she slipped her hand around a couple of his fingers, his gaze shooting up as she issued delicate caresses over them. He softened under her touch, any tension he still held evaporating as he stared deeper into her shining eyes. Her strokes increased in pressure, only to stop abruptly when he bowed his head down towards her own. As he had only ever been once before, he was now so close, close enough that she could already feel his lips moving against hers, yet they remained just out of her reach. Anna moved further still, keeping her eyes open until the very last, ensuring that this moment would not be snatched from her grasp as it had been before. Close, so very close, and then a heartbeat was it all took. Their lips met one another first with the most gentle of brushes. Anna tingled with the contact, shutting her eyes tight. His lips were so very soft, softer than she'd ever imagined, supple, and warm. Their first kiss deepened in the nature of the time they had waited to share in it. His mouth pushed delightfully against hers, which yielded immediately, giving the permission to part her lips tenderly. She shuddered as his tongue tickled ever so slightly over her bottom lip and she felt herself contract, the kiss ending with her smiling wide.

"Anna, are you alright?"

She opened her eyes once more to see Mr Bates looking down at her, a little startled at her reaction.

"Yes. More than that," she said with a hint of a giggle, the smile still lingering on her lips. "I couldn't help it. I just think that was the happiest moment of my life."

He was absorbed by her blissful expression as he kept gazing down at her, and let out a little sigh of relief.

"Well, I'm glad. You had me a little worried."

They both laughed softly in the silence, and after a moment his hand was back in hers, lacing their fingers together.

"And neither have I been so truly happy as I am now." He smiled at her and she wanted to burst into tears of joy. "I marvel every day that you should choose to love someone like me. As much as I treasure it, and you, I cannot refrain from wishing you would have been taken with another man. A much better one than I am."

"I told you," she raised her free hand to touch his face, "there isn't one. Not for me."

She caressed the backs of her fingers softly over his cheek and at the edge of his jaw, and as he let his eyes fall closed against her touch, she craned up to capture his lips with hers once more. He responded to the renewed contact, hands slipping to her waist and pulling her closer; gentle kisses tempered with ardour, lips pressing fervently until they parted with a final tender, intensely thrilling brush.

Pulling away again, they shared a look which concluded a perfect moment.

"You do need to rest."

Anna could only respond to him with a dreamy smile, the idea of rest now being quite far from her mind, feeling that the fog had lifted entirely. She opened the door to let him emerge, and watched as he stepped out, retracing his steps from just minutes previous.

"Merry Christmas, Mr Bates," she called out softly as he reached the end of the hallway.

He turned to look over his shoulder, and gave out a little smile. "Merry Christmas, Anna."

Shutting the door without a sound behind her, drifting along the little corridor and reaching the empty room, Anna leant against the wall and let out a contented sigh. Sleep was the last thing she could think about now, even as she eventually climbed into bed. Shutting her eyes, she could see it all once more, the memory just made relived. Tonight she wouldn't need to read the book at her bedside to call him into being, she wouldn't even need to dream the dreams she did every night. Bringing her hand up to run her fingers ever so lightly over her lips, she felt them quirk into a smile as she could sense the imprint of him there still.

Tonight, and just like every other Christmas that had preceded it, Anna would find herself wide awake, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the morning.


	3. Christmas 1916

Anna shifted where she sat, feeling suddenly self-conscious and, for a moment, rather unsettled. She cast her gaze about and saw nothing different; the little sitting room was as snug as ever, a dim glow emanating from the candles that rested on the table, and warmth filling even the smallest of spaces, enveloping her in a comforting embrace. It was incredibly tempting for her to move a little, curl her legs underneath her, rest her head on the arm of the chair and sink into a dreamless sleep, but she resisted, not wanting to give Mrs Hughes any further reason for concern when she did arrive. Also, she doubted that rest would find her so easily now that she was quite so disquieted, and her unease only grew by the second.

The ticking of the clock in the corner sounded incredibly loud, and yet hardly troubled her head. It was awfully quiet this year, the quietest Christmas she had ever known in the house, yet it far from equated with peace. There were less and less of them downstairs, footmen and the eldest hall boys departing it seemed almost daily to perform quite different duties for the country. Some hours of the day, that were becoming more frequent, the hall resembled a ghost town, and Anna shivered to even contemplate that the notion may have been more appropriate than any of them wished to consider. The atmosphere had heightened in the run-up to today, but she was removed completely from any ongoing commotion, unable to hear the slightest sound or most hushed voice from beyond the closed door. She was glad to be away from the hall at this part of Christmas Day, when no doubt those remaining would be getting restless and looking for some amusement, even if it was unlikely now to be at anyone's expense. It was good to be here, in this almost secret space, to have time to herself. Though she had not exactly been short of that of late, and that was most likely the problem. Too many moments had she caught herself standing, stopping mid-task and staring into the distance, dazed, all at once lost in her thoughts and finding that she could not think at all. She would manage to shake herself and move along just before anyone noticed. There was no need to disguise here, as she sat, tucked away, in the room that was empty aside from her. The clock ticked louder, and Anna shuddered. There was too much emptiness; it was everything. Yet her mind was fit to burst.

She glanced around the room once more, taking in each edge and object within it one by one, and a rush of consolation came over her. So many times she had been here, countless moments over the years. Times when she was troubled by something or other; in moments of cheer and happiness; or simply because of some matter completely inconsequential, which of course probably signalled the imminent end of the world when it had occurred. All that time ago, when she had been plagued by homesickness, Mrs Hughes had brought her here near on every evening to check that she was doing well, chatting to her for a few minutes in the privacy of the four walls before sending her back on her way, suitably reassured. Sinking down into the seat, she half-smiled at the recollection, before finding the once-familiar, what she thought long-forgotten, feeling looming over her in the low-light. It was strange but quite true; Anna had been longing for home in the past weeks. Her sister's children would be toddlers now, and she could picture them running excitedly about, beginning to be aware of what the season was about, wonder lighting up their little faces with every second. She saw the winding lanes and bare branches decorated with a glistening frost, and felt herself eager to come rushing through the front door, greeted by an almost overwhelming heat coming from the kitchen, along with the smell of her mother's Christmas baking. A lump gathered in her throat without warning.

Mrs Hughes had told her that she was sure arrangements could be made, with her never having missed a Christmas here and the way things were anyway. She couldn't see that any of the Crawleys would really have any objections to her being excused for a few days. Indeed, Lady Mary had even followed out of the dining room a couple of nights ago, whispering a few words of concern about Anna and asking that, if it were at all possible, she be afforded some time to relax and look after herself. The housekeeper had thought it very odd indeed, not just that she had been the one Lady Mary had chosen to speak to when she usually kept her distance entirely or otherwise went to Mr Carson, but more so that she should show such considerate interest for anyone other than herself. But as haughty as she appeared to her, Lady Mary did seem to have a particular affection for the maid that so resolutely attended on her and her sisters, and Mrs Hughes couldn't help but be heartened. Knowing of it, Anna was too, as well as being incredibly grateful for the offer to return home. Yet she declined it. She wasn't exactly sure why, but something told her that she should stay at Downton, despite everything. She had told her sister of her decision in the last letter she sent, and couldn't help laughing a little to herself when she read the reply she received back.

_It's because they simply couldn't do without you; the whole house would fall to pieces! But I hope one year, if the offer is given to you again, that you shall take it with both hands, dear sister. We always miss you, but at Christmas most of all. Sometimes it feels as if the heart of the home is altogether absent, without you here at this time of year. You always loved it so much, and I remember that when we were little, you made me love it too. Maybe it's because, really, I always wanted to be like my big sister. But it's more than that. We shall all make sure we keep the heart, and the Christmas spirit, going strong just for you, dearest Anna._

The tears welled at her eyes as she had held the letter in her hands. Perhaps going home would have brought it back to her, the spirit of the season she had always held so dear. A part of her was sure it would have done so instantly, but a bigger part failed to comprehend for the smallest moment how it would be possible, even there. It was sad to say, but her heart was simply not in Christmas this year.

Barely a month had passed since it had been broken, and still, she felt it beat out of time within her chest, faltering without the love that had been bestowed upon and then taken from her so swiftly, before she could make reason out of the little explanation why.

She could not blame him; even when he had stayed so resolute and said so few words to her, the anguish written across his face and the lingering look in his eyes had told her all she needed to know. That the choice had been wrenched from him no matter how much he had tried to grasp onto it; he had been forced into taking action completely against his will. Most importantly, it told her that his heart was shattering, before he had taken the first step away from where she stood and out of her life. Whenever she brought him to mind now, which was as good as every second of the day, that deeply pained look was all she could see; her lasting image of him, all of his soft glances and warm smiles to her erased. She wanted to cry, but it would have been an easy victory. It was no comfort to think of him in the same wretched state, though she foolishly imagined it might have been. Instead, it only made her ache more, longing for the past to be returned to her, for the chance to change things in any small way she could. She could not help but wonder how it all would have gone if she had fought a little harder, convinced him to stay a little longer. They could have taken a stand together. She would have revealed everything to everyone, gladly took a dismissal, if that's what it would have taken to make her go away and leave them to be together. There would have been a way, she was sure of it, and contemplating all of the possibilities each day drew her nearer to the edge of insanity. It was even worse when logic kicked in once more, and she knew deep down that nothing would have worked. She had only had to have been in her presence for a matter of minutes to be aware that Vera was shrewd and devious to the finest detail. How else had she known to time her visit so precisely when they were the happiest they had ever been, other than having some sixth sense? Whatever path they had taken, she would always be two steps ahead, awaiting to intercept. The thought occurred that she may have been sitting in the very same place that Anna had sat now, on the day when fate conspired against them. Anna recalled standing for a little too long outside the door as she had passed then, knowing that they were inside, knowing that the fight for their future was hanging by a thread. Her breath had held then, and now it caught in her chest to even consider, and a stifled sob wracked in her throat.

 _It was for the best._ He had said as much, and she tried her utmost to tell it to herself too. Except how could it possibly be for the best, when they had both been left so distraught? Lives torn in two, all hopes of love dashed. But Anna went on loving Mr Bates. It was second nature to her, even more instinctive than living. The fact still remained true, that there could never be another for her, so she would love him for the rest of her days, and in any other time beyond, even if it was destined to come to nothing. As long as she kept him in her heart, and the thought of him alive, her life could not possibly be a waste. Last night, she had carefully unlocked the door and gone out into the courtyard, shivering only slightly against the bitter cold. She stood, staring up at the sliver of crescent moon that was just about visible through the fog that had descended, and thinking about him. Thinking of what he was doing at that very same moment, of how he would be spending Christmas Eve. She pictured a dark room in a miserable house, or perhaps he'd be out walking the streets, letting the darkness there envelop him as he desperately tried to seek some form of escape and solace. An unwanted but not implausible image came to mind, of him slumped heavily in the corner of some dingy, ramshackle of a pub, drowning himself without care in drink after drink, the more the better to blot out the unforgiving reality he found himself in once more. Anna shook her head and limbs against the arctic air, and allowed herself to think of another reality, the one they should have been sharing. Another joyful Christmas together, but this one even more special; their first as a betrothed couple. Even if it did have to remain a secret between the two of them, it was all she ever needed, to have the knowledge glowing in her heart while she was wrapped safe and warm in his arms, under the night sky. He was the only thing she could ever ask for, yet just weeks ago she never thought she would be left wanting for him again. She knew her wish couldn't be granted, not this year, and she fought hard to stop the tears falling from her eyes in the open air.

Last Christmas, it was as if every wish she had held and so many more she had yet to even think to make had come true, and just the memory made her happy again. It really had been the best Christmas she ever had, and if she had only known what things would be like now, she would have wanted to stop time and relive it for every year afterwards. As it had always been, the time they had been able to spend together had had to be orchestrated with careful consideration on both their parts, but Anna remembered thinking to herself that something had changed. Most certainly, Mr Bates had changed his views on the season, embracing it in his own quiet but enthusiastic manner, and she smiled every time she had walked into the hall to see him on his own, merrily mending one of the delicate tree decorations. If she was lucky enough, she'd even hear him humming a carol as his fingers fixed on a new ribbon, and on those occasions she couldn't prevent herself from bursting out into a giggle as she came into the silent hall. She stopped as he shifted in his seat and turned around to see her, a smile that was now pleasantly familiar to Anna's eyes appearing instantly on his face. She didn't like to be too presumptuous, but she thought that perhaps she could take much of the credit for marking the transformation in him.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, amongst all the usual hectic activity of the house at the time of year, they had managed to share considerable moments with each other, enjoying one another's company in the midst of preparations as well as finding quieter time alone as the days came to a close. They would sit together, mending decorations, jackets or dresses while pondering what the festivities were likely to bring, taking it in turns to rise after a while to make up mugs of cocoa, and there they'd stay until all too soon it was time to retire. One afternoon, she was tidying in the study when he slipped in to fetch a book for his Lordship. Softly, he went over to the window where she was standing, getting distracted from his intended task, and pointed out a robin that had perched on one of the bushes outside. Anna stopped too, astounded; she had never seen one at such close hand. They had stood side by side, edging closer to the windowpane, peering out at the little robin's movements and the leaves that were touched with a coat of fine white swaying underneath. Anna felt the smile growing on her lips as she kept watching, feeling that she must have looked quite silly, until she swivelled her head to the side at the very same time as Mr Bates had, and they shared in the joy of the simple moment. Another evening, they wandered out into the courtyard and watched again as mist fell to cover the night, which was creeping on a little earlier with each day. Anna observed her breath becoming visible, making patterns against the sky, and swirling together with his as they spoke. It was a funny thing really, but it still made Anna tingle inside to think of them meeting in such a way.

Then, just a few days before Christmas Day arrived, they were both granted the same afternoon off. On discovering the fact, Anna had thought about suggesting to him that they could take a trip down into Ripon, if he didn't mind, and was delighted when he invited her to do the very same thing, without her having to say so much as a word. Every part of her jumped to life with excitement as they walked from the house, down a little way, stopping to wait for the bus. She could still recall the feeling that spread like fire throughout her as he tenderly laid a hand upon the small of her back, holding her in place as she climbed aboard. She shyly gazed over her shoulder when she reached the top of the steps, flooding with love as she saw him looking down, slowly but steadily making his way up, her breath catching slightly when he arrived at her side and sought out her eyes with his again. The journey flew by so quickly as they talked and laughed, and they decided to alight a couple of stops earlier, so they could walk leisurely into the town, making the most of the time. As they strolled the edges of the park, watching children bundled up in oversized hats and scarves playing and skating across the frozen lake, Mr Bates offered her his arm, with only a touch of prudence. After her initial surprise, she linked her own with it, and her grasp tightened comfortably upon him as they made their way along into the little intertwining streets. Anna's eyes gazed up at the rows of garlands that hung above their heads, sparkling here and there with candles and lights, and her heart filled with delight to hear cheerful singing carrying through the air. Each and every person they passed wore smiles upon their faces, though none was so wide and vibrant as the one that was grew on hers with each step they took. She felt him look towards her as they went on walking arm-in-arm and she cast her eyes up towards him, beaming brightly as the glow was set all around and within her, getting even stronger when he squeezed her arm briefly and gently.

They stopped first at a little secluded tea-shop, to fortify themselves against the bracing cold. Along with their seasonal glasses of spiced apple, both were treated to generous slabs of Christmas cake. They savoured spoonfuls slowly, struggling to finish, and conceding that the recipe was quite intriguing compared to Mrs Patmore's version, but agreeing not to utter a word to say that it could possibly be better. Anna began to get restless while Mr Bates reclined contentedly, and she had to playfully tug upon his arm and drag him back out into the streets to continue on with the afternoon, though the smile he gave her as they left the warmth of the doorway assured her that he wasn't complaining. They passed slowly along the line of shops, Anna stopping to peer in the window of every one with wide eyes. She went into a select few, ending up in a flower shop where she could not resist buying a small basket of poinsettias to take back to the house. She was aware that Mr Bates had not followed her inside, and she readied herself to take a stroll around nearby, only to find him waiting patiently outside. Noticing a twinkle of a grin having formed on his face, she was about to enquire for the reason behind it when he produced an item nestling in his hands, and the grin quickly transferred to her. He held a miniature version of the very village they were standing in, encased in a snowglobe with a shining red and gold base. She watched the snowdrift within swirl about as he gave it a little shake, before placing it in her hands.

" _Now you shall never be without snow at Christmas."_

All too soon the day had darkened, and they made their way back along where they had came, leaning against a low stone wall to wait for the bus to take them back into Downton. Anna quivered a little against the dusk with the chill that had set her body to tingling and her face glowing red. Mr Bates gazed upon her intently, drawing himself closer and lessening the distance between them.

" _Are you alright?"_

" _I just wish this bus would hurry up, before I freeze to the spot."_

He gave her a look that melted away the cold all at once, and began to melt her heart quite swiftly. A hand reached up and hovered just at the side of her face for a few seconds, before he became emboldened. Carefully, his fingers landed upon her skin, and she was flooded immediately with the warmth that came from his touch. He caressed her cheek lightly but full of tenderness and care, fingertips sweeping back and forth, tracing the curve of the bone beneath. Anna sighed a little, moving her head further to meet his hand and moulding into him. Even in the moments that came far too soon afterwards, when his touch left her, she wanted to never leave the place in which they stood now, closer than they were ever able to be, even if she were to be frozen solid.

The most perfect day she had ever known concluded back at the house, where she had come out to find him in the courtyard again. Then, the cold did not even occur to her as he rested a hand by the tie of her apron, just above her waist, and she felt him so near, with every part of her. Against the dark of the night, they finally kissed, having waited all day long to do so. The longing they had both felt made itself known as their lips begged not to leave one another, and his hands roamed lower down her back, pulling her tight into his warm embrace. She leaned flush against him and sighed happily once more, as he lightly stroked the hair at the nape of her neck and rested his chin upon the crown of her head. They did not have the whole world in front of them, it was true, but there was enough of it for Anna to know that her world had changed, so completely and wonderfully.

How quickly the world's turning could revolve.

Anna took one last look at the moon sitting high in the sky, before she went back inside. She stood stranded in the hallway, held captive by elusive thought for a few long seconds, before she was aware of a soft tinkling travelling down to meet her. Lured along by the melody, she walked into the hall to find it empty, save from William sitting rather mournfully, playing the piano as beautifully as ever. Anna always envied the talent he had, being able to work the keys so effortlessly. He was finishing up a slow, rather sorrowful version of _Silent Night_ , as she came up to stand by him and placed a soft hand upon his shoulder.

"That was lovely, William. Do you think you could play something a little jollier?"

He glanced up at her, lips quirking into a little half-smile, before he turned his attention back to the piano and launched heartily into a jaunty tune, one that was familiar to Anna's ears. A not too distant memory came to her as she listened to the melody rise, as clear as if it had happened only yesterday. She remembered him sitting at the piano, playing the same song at the same time last year and she saw herself sitting, with Mr Bates sitting too at her side, both clapping along as a series of maids, footmen and hall boys danced around, some mastering the technique better than others. They laughed as they watched the bodies swirl past, and underneath the table, their hands found each other upon her knee, fingers lacing together as they shared a secret smile that everybody else in the room was oblivious to in their frivolity. Her eyes cast over to the chair that had remained unoccupied, and all at once Anna found herself overwhelmed by sentiment, eyes welling as the joyful tune reached its crescendo.

William shifted in the little seat, staring sympathetically at her as she remained in a trance, even after he had finished playing. He was much cleverer than anyone, especially Thomas, gave him credit for. Anna knew, and wasn't surprised to hear the words he said.

"I am sorry that Mr Bates isn't here. He often said that he liked to hear me playing, and I was happy to have the compliment from him. He was always very kind and thoughtful to me, and I respected him." They both settled their gaze wistfully upon the ivory keys. "He was a good man."

Anna smiled into the distance, before looking upon William.

"He still is."

William smiled back towards her as she pulled a chair along to sit beside him.

"So you decided not to go home then?"

"No," Anna shook her head as her hands played with the frill of her apron. "Not this year. I think I'm just too used to things how they are here now, it'd be a little strange to go back. I'd just get used to it, and then have to set off again. It's really not worth the fuss. I thought you might have made use of the time to go home, though. Your dad would have loved to have seen you at Christmas, I'm sure."

William stared intently at the wood casing of the piano. "Not when I'm the only footman left. Mr Carson wouldn't allow it."

Anna nodded sadly. "Well, I suppose there is that."

"And I'd rather my dad didn't see me. He wouldn't want to, not with the shame I'm bringing upon everyone. Not being at war, not serving my king and country. Doing nothing." He hunched in the seat, and Anna saw his hands shaking above the keys before he clamped them to his knees. "No, it's better that I'm here. Out of his way, hiding like the coward that I am."

"Now, don't you talk like that. You are anything but a coward," Anna spoke resolutely. "It's got nothing to do with you that you haven't been called up yet. You do know that they save the best for last, and so they're surely keeping you for something special." She chanced a glance towards him, and saw the smallest smile urging at his lips. "And I know your dad would be anything but ashamed, or glad that you were staying away. I dare say he's thanking his lucky stars that he knows you're safe and sound. Don't be down on yourself, at least not now."

She knew he did so a little reluctantly, but was still glad when he turned around to face her and smiled, fully and sincerely. Anna patted a hand soothingly upon his arm.

"We're both not quite where we might have hoped we would be at this point in time, but we're a lot better off than most. And that's what we need to remember, even when times get trying."

William nodded his head slightly. "I know."

She dropped her hand from his arm as she rose from her seat, regarding him with affection. William reminded her so much of her younger brother, but was frequently much sweeter.

"Besides, I couldn't have you leaving as well. Then where would I be?"

He smiled towards her as she made to leave the room, standing in the doorway.

"Happy Christmas, Anna. I hope you have a nice one."

"You too, William. Happy Christmas."

Christmas Day went as happily as it could, and with fewer of them filling up the hall, it was thankfully quite peaceful. She sat, watching the younger ones showing off the presents they had received from the Crawleys earlier in the morning, offering a helping hand where it was needed, enjoying the smaller but still bountiful Christmas dinner; smiling her way throughout the day, even it was something of a hollow appearance. As the afternoon went by and everyone made use of the free time in their own ways, Anna excused herself to go up to her room for a while. Sitting on the bed and opening the little drawer at its side, she took out an envelope she had received just a couple of days previous and read carefully over its contents again.

The note was from Gwen, who she had kept in faithful contact with since she had left, nearly two and a half years ago now. Anna was astounded at how quickly the time had passed, and also at how slowly it seemed to be ticking by at this very moment. She missed having Gwen around to talk to in person; aside from Mr Bates, she was the closest companion she had ever had at Downton, and of course she could tell things to Gwen that, before he had left, she still felt she could not quite confess to Mr Bates. Though she had grown to like Ethel a lot more, she couldn't share the same closeness with her as she had with Gwen. Each letter she received she opened eagerly, wanting to hear of every small detail of how her life was going. As usual, everything with Gwen was positively dandy. She still enjoyed her secretarial job as much as she did when she had begun it, finding her calling. Anna loved to read about this life that was so very different from her own, feeling like she was going on a little adventure as she did, though she was content enough not to swap their roles. In this latest note, Gwen said that just a few weeks ago she had been moved to a more senior position and was now tutoring and watching over the girls who were starting out. Anna smiled to think of the girl who was once so frightened of authority leading others confidently, and she knew she would be coping more than competently.

Reading on, the subject matter moved, and Anna was a little startled to discover the news that was placed rather casually upon the paper. She knew that Gwen had been courting for some time, a man called Harry Knight who worked in one of the offices nearby, and Gwen announced that just over a month ago he had proposed to her, a little unexpectedly she had to admit, but she accepted gladly and without hesitation. Anna smiled sadly when she comprehended the precise time at which Gwen had become engaged, and felt her heart miss a beat, contracting painfully. She couldn't prevent the tears from springing up when she re-read how Gwen had concluded the letter.

" _I most likely won't hear from you before, so I must say: a very Merry Christmas to you, Anna. I still think of you all at Downton more often than you'd imagine and hope you are all doing well. I know you'll be very busy – as ever – but I do hope you shall get the chance to visit soon. And please, do give my regards to Mr Bates. I think of you both all the time, and hope you are both happy."_

Wiping her eyes swiftly, she placed it back in the drawer and rushed out of the room. She composed herself quietly before descending the stairs, and put on her well-worn smile once more as she was greeted by Mrs Hughes standing at the foot.

"Would you mind coming to my sitting room for a moment, Anna? I just need to see to something first, but I'll be with you presently."

"Of course, Mrs Hughes."

She walked along to the room a little anxiously, pushed the door open slightly and took a seat by the little table. There she had remained for what was surely longer than a few minutes, and she was just about to rise and see if any assistance was needed, when the housekeeper entered, closing the door with a soft click behind her.

"I'm sorry about that, Anna, there was a bit of a to-do with Daisy in the kitchen." Mrs Hughes lifted her eyes to the ceiling, shaking her head on recalling the kerfuffle.

"It's no bother," she reassured, still mulling over what could have possibly caused Mrs Hughes to bring her back here, what it was that had to be said or done in private when the open spaces of downstairs were now just as secluded.

"Well, nearly all over for another year," the soft Scottish brogue sounded as she eased into the chair in front of Anna. "Back to the grind tomorrow."

"It'll be good to be working again," Anna said. "Not that today hasn't been nice. It's been lovely." She could hear her voice falter a little as she said the words, and knew Mrs Hughes had heard too, as she eyed Anna carefully. Anna shrank down into the seat a little with embarrassment; she was hopeless at lying.

"I know the last few weeks haven't been easy on you." Anna kept her gaze in her lap and fiddled with her apron, feeling Mrs Hughes's eyes fixed upon her with concern. "I do hope you aren't hiding any of your troubles."

She took a breath before raising her head to meet the housekeeper's stare, and smiled. "I'm not hiding anything, Mrs Hughes. I couldn't even if I tried to, especially not from you."

Mrs Hughes returned with a warm, affectionate smile.

"I'll survive; I always do. It's a New Year soon, so you know what they say. Onwards and upwards." Anna knew there would never come a time for moving on, but each passing month would make things a little easier, she was mostly sure.

"Well, as long as you know that you always have a place to turn, and a shoulder to cry on, if needs be. Which brings me to what I wanted to speak to you about." Mrs Hughes shifted, and she wore a slightly uncertain and pained expression as she made to stand. "I've struggled to know what to do over the last couple of weeks, but I think it's only fair that I should let you know. I just hope it doesn't upset you."

Anna felt her stomach drop as she watched Mrs Hughes move towards the little desk at the other side of the room, opening a drawer that was just out of her eyeline.

"I was doing my usual clean of the rooms before the house was turned upside down for Christmas, and though I knew he would have left it pristine, I went into Mr Bates's room…"

The thought made Anna bristle. She knew that Mrs Hughes was not prying, and that really there was every right to be had, but it still felt wrong to her somehow. It had only been a month, far too soon for his space to be vacated and inhabited by anyone else, even if it was merely in passing. There was also the chance that he would still return, turn up at any minute to announce that he would be coming back, and staying for good this time. It was a foolish notion, one that she had fancied would occur each night without any luck or real hope, but still, she refused to let go.

"…and of course, everything was just as I thought it would be – absolutely spotless. Not a thing out of place, all absolutely clear, just like it was before he'd ever come here."

Anna tried to swallow away the large lump that had formed tight in her throat.

"Except, one of the drawers wasn't closed properly. I didn't think it too strange, and went to see if something had fallen loose, and then…I found this at the back."

Mrs Hughes opened her hands to reveal a small black velvet box. Anna saw that there was a little paper tag attached, and could make out her name written upon it. She kept staring at the box, more than a little bemused and taken aback, as Mrs Hughes placed it in her open palm.

"I wasn't sure if I should give it to you, as the last thing I would want is for you to be unsettled any further. But I do believe things belong with their rightful owners. I didn't tell Mr Carson, as I knew only too well what he would say. He's a good man, and usually right about things, but most certainly not always. And after all, it is Christmas. Presents should be received, and it really can't hurt."

The housekeeper halted her speech and looked keenly upon Anna, fixed to her chair, one hand balancing the little box, the other clutched upon her chest.

"I do hope I've done the right thing," Mrs Hughes ventured cautiously, seeing that Anna had become quite distracted, going off in a world of her own.

"Yes…of course, you have, Mrs Hughes," she started, as she got up onto slightly shaking feet, turning the closed box over carefully between her fingers. "Thank you. Very much."

"Well, you needn't thank me. But I suppose I shall have to do."

Anna smiled sadly, before Mrs Hughes came over to give her a quick hug.

"I hope whatever it is, that it makes the day a little merrier."

She held back the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes as she left the sitting room, hastened her steps across the hallway and all but flew up the stairs, all the while holding the black box close to her chest.

Back in her room once more, Anna shuddered a little as she sat upon her bed, as she had done barely ten minutes previous. The box remained closed in her palm. She scrutinised it carefully, and felt her heart pound hard against her chest. Taking her eyes away from it for a minute and staring ahead at the wall, her mind was back in the past again. She had been so lucky to share so much of Christmas with him last year, the season being truly special to her. She hadn't taken one second for granted, yet she still knew at the time that she had craved more, even when he was sitting at her side, when he was walking with his arm in hers, when his lips were upon her. This year, aside from a million memories, she had but this one moment. Still, it was more than she had thought she would have. She wanted to make it last for the rest of the night, but at the same time she had waited all day for some sort of miracle, and couldn't hold back any longer.

Her gaze fell back on the box, her hand clasping tight around its lid. With a swift snap, it was open, and Anna let out a gasp.

_With the valise in one hand and the other grasped around his cane, steadying himself, John Bates walked into the train station. Stopping just as he entered, he exhaled a sigh. These weeks in London had been long and trying, the ordeal of his mother's death and funeral weighing heavier along with all the other matters he had had to contend with on his jaunt there. He was eager to rest his body and his mind, and incredibly anxious to be back at Downton. In mere hours he would be there again, and the thought brought a smile to his face. It would be very good to be back. From the very moment he had left, he had longed to return. Yet he would always carry it everywhere he went in his heart, and he would always hold her close there especially. She was the reason he was so homesick for a place he had called home but for a few years. The thought of seeing her before him again filled him with a joy he never thought he would be lucky enough to know. To see that smile, so beautiful and bright, the light of his life. He had written to her more than once while he had been here, unable to go a few weeks without breaking contact, but his need would only be truly fulfilled when she was within real reach once more. How he had become so reliant upon even the thought of her he couldn't comprehend, but all he knew was that he was no longer troubled by his feelings and was, indeed, happier than he could ever remember being in his whole life._

_It had taken longer than he had imagined, and had been far from easy, but after a few exhausting days he had managed to see to all of his business quite satisfactorily. Before he had made his way here, there had been just one final stop he had needed to make. Thankfully, it was over a matter that was far more pleasant than everything else he had to attend to. Patting his pocket as he had done several times before he had arrived here, he was relieved to find that it was still there. He took out the little black box, opened it, and could not stop the wide smile splitting across his lips. The jewellers had done a fine job of resizing it, and now it truly was perfect. Though it had been so from the moment he had come across it, while he had been sorting through his mother's few possessions in her house. As soon as he saw the ring, he had thought instantly of Anna. It was as if it had been made for her; dainty and delicate, understated and beautiful, a simple golden band with three little stones set in the middle. Straight away, he pictured her wearing it upon her hand, in times when they were alone, and a spark started up within his heart. Even though he knew that he never had to impress her with such items, he knew that he simply had to give it to her. Besides, it would have a deeper meaning than being merely a frivolous gift._

_In the new spirit of life he had been filled with since his mother's passing, he had made the firm decision to make his intentions known to his Lordship, and all being well, would propose to Anna after his arrival back. Yet as they would not be able to announce the engagement, he was rather fearful that she should feel somewhat dejected for the time afterwards, being unable to revel in the promise of love that would last a lifetime as she rightly should, as she would be able to do openly if she had given her heart to any other man. She needed and deserved so much more, more than he believed he could ever really give to her, but this could be something for her to keep. A symbol of all that had been promised that could not be revealed as yet to the world, but would be made clear to her without doubt. An assurance, an affirmation, a vow of his love for her that would stay true for now and forever._

_It couldn't really be an engagement ring, in the strictest sense of the word, but it could be a Christmas gift. The season was not too far away, just over a month, and as everything else, it seemed perfect in his mind. Christmas had become a special time for them both, and particularly for them together. He thought of the past few years, the times they had shared in as the season arrived, and smiled once more. It was all down to Anna that the approaching time of year had meant so much to him again. He could not deny that everything that was now wonderful about his life was because of Anna. Closing the box securely with the ring nestled inside, he moved his hand up and placed it in the inside pocket of his jacket, keeping it pressed close to his chest._

_Later, as he sat in the compartment of the train, travelling ever northward, he reached into his pocket once more and pulled out an unmarked white tag. It had been given to him as he had received the ring back from the jewellers, the man behind the counter smiling knowingly. He had thought as he would give it to her in person that it wouldn't really matter if it be marked. But no; he had been too vague for far too long, and she absolutely had to be certain. Taking the pen between his fingers, he poised it just over the tag, waiting for the train to come to a halt at the next station so that his hand would not shake. On one side he wrote her name, relishing doing so with every careful stroke. Turning it over in his hand, he pondered for a moment or so. Detecting that the wheels were about to be put back into motion beneath his feet, he took the action decisively. With a grin upon his face and burst in his heart, he wrote boldly:_

' _With love x'_

With eyes that were wet, Anna read the declaration over again. Though she was nearly crying, she let out a joyful laugh too. Those two words were all that she needed to know about exactly what this gift meant, yet she would have been sure even without them. She remembered, hardly forgetting for a moment since, what he had said to her two years ago; about it not mattering what time of the year it was, about his love always remaining true. The words he had said in the moments before they had shared their first kiss, the best Christmas present she had ever received, remaining with her, now truer than ever.

She admired the ring sitting on her left hand, an absolutely perfect fit. She then slipped it off and placed it carefully back in the little velvet box, setting it down upon her bedside, next to the snowglobe which she gave a swift shake before she left to return once more to the servants' hall, now with a true smile upon her face. When she returned later in the dark, to find Ethel asleep in the bed next to hers as she prepared herself for the night, she opened the box, catching the dainty stones twinkling in the light, and placed the ring back upon her finger, keeping her hand tucked underneath her pillow as she settled herself down.

Awaiting sleep, Anna smiled. Even when they were apart, as they always would be now, Mr Bates still made her Christmas so very special.


	4. Christmas 1918

Christmas Day was nearing to a close, yet the spirit was higher than ever. This season had been quite different indeed, considerably so. Gone was the subdued state of the previous years, swept clean away by the culmination and conclusion of war just over a month ago. Upstairs, the traditional Crawley family Christmas was back in full swing, the celebrations in some ways bigger than they had ever been. To some, it may have seemed like over-compensation, but really it was a way of showing relief; peace had once more been restored and brought overwhelming joy with it, given that despite injury Mr Matthew had returned safe, and for the most part, sound. The shine from the lights set around the house were reflected in the eyes of Lord Grantham, and Lady Mary too, who did not seem to be troubled at all by the absence of her fiancé, Sir Richard Carlisle. Indeed, she appeared happier than she had in some months, the Christmas tree towering above her in the hall, smiling as if she had no cares in the world to speak of.

Downstairs, the mood was even more joyful. Since the earliest moments of dawn there had been a buzz of underlying excitement lying around, fighting to clamber up to the surface, and as the night approached, it ignited completely as all abandon was lost. One corner of the hall had erupted with noise, the shouts and laughter of a few becoming increasingly raucous and spilling over to fill the rest of the small space. For one night, all troubles that had been left lingering in the present had disappeared, fading with the flow of wine, fun and games. Tom Branson was leading the merriment, with a band of faithful followers around him, including Daisy, Thomas and an assortment of hall boys and maids, many of whom watched with lingering, smitten glances as he climbed atop a chair and sung an Irish folk song at the top of his voice. The chatter and giggles mingled with Tom's bellowing, and the hall was set once more into movement as Thomas began to swirl some of the younger girls around, demonstrating the flair he still possessed for the Grizzly Bear.

Across the other side, Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore huddled, watching the younger ones from a safe distance with a mixture of fondness, amusement and a certain type of gratitude that those days were far behind them now. Amongst the jubilation, the elders had observed a quiet contemplation in moments throughout the day, talking together in hushed tones and casting around pensive looks every now and then that influenced the other members of the household. It was a thankful blessing that the war was over, when not that long ago an end had seemed so far out of sight, and of course it had been a cause for great celebration. But a sorrow that was still raw remained, and keened closer at this time of unity and togetherness. Both glanced over to the seat that had been left empty and the piano keys that had gone unplayed since, and thought of William, a lost soul amongst so many, but such a special one whose absence left a hole that could never be filled, his gentle sweetness missed so much. Earlier in the evening, Mrs Hughes had called for a moment's silence, to remember the boy who had left Downton much more than a man, and though he would never return would always remain a part of the house. Everybody obliged, heads bowed in dignified silence for a minute or two, remembering.

Then there was a clink of cutlery against glass, and everyone's eyes rose to meet Tom, standing with his arm raised.

"A toast," he announced, "to absent friends, wherever they may be. To the past, with lessons learned." He paused before finishing his declaration. "And to a new beginning, for all of us." At this, he broke into a smile, his eyes twinkling with some secret he was keeping, and lifted his glass heartily to the ceiling.

There was another quiet moment, as everyone took the time to consider the weight of the words that had been said. Nobody could as of yet be sure of the scale, but it was true that in the aftermath of war life would be quite different for them all, in ways unexpected, for some unwanted, but most certainly unavoidable. This year alone had brought so many changes, that were still being come to terms with, yet more were dawning upon the horizon. As the space around her sprung to life once more, Anna kept within her thoughts, and was quite content for the time being to remain there, as they were all quite marvellous. She was in the middle of the hall, with the two worlds happening around her, sitting silently with Jane at her side.

"It's been quite a day." Her fellow housemaid's soft voice barely intruded upon the calm that had somehow formed around them.

Anna looked ahead of her, smiling, lost in memories of the past and delighting within the present.

"It has, indeed," she replied after a few seconds, turning her head to see Jane looking down upon the table that lay in front of them, and felt a rush of concern. "I hope you've enjoyed your first Christmas here. I know it can seem a little strange."

"It is, a bit. In honesty, I'm still not quite used to being in such a big house. I don't think I ever will be," Jane laughed a little as she glanced back up. "But everyone is so lovely. It was a lot to ask for Lord Grantham to take me on, and I'm ever so grateful. And it has been fun. I dread to think what it would have been like if I'd been back at home."

"Would you have been on your own?" Anna enquired.

"Not quite, there's my aunt. But she's not a great lover of Christmas, can't wait until she can take down the decorations and have everything go back to normal. So it wouldn't have been something to look forward to, by any stretch." They both laughed, before Jane spoke again. "And I would have noticed the quiet, more than ever, being there. I'm sure it would have driven me quite mad. So really, I couldn't ask for something more different. I much prefer to be rushed off my feet, and just have this day. Amongst people who do actually enjoy the season."

"Well, we're all very glad to have you here," Anna smiled and patted Jane's hand, still aware of a flicker of sadness in her companion's gaze, knowing what had caused it and knowing there was nothing to be done to remedy it. "It must be hard, being away from your child, any time, but especially now. You're bearing it very well, I don't think I would be able to do it for one second."

Jane showed a smile, thinking of her boy. "I don't profess for a minute that it's easy. I miss Freddie so very much, but I know that he will be having a lovely time, and that gives me the most joy. As well of thinking of the Christmases we have been blessed to have had together. I can see his face opening his presents, clear as day, and hear him laughing, still. It's funny; memories last much longer than you ever think at the moment they happen that they would do."

Anna nodded; she knew more than most the truth of that statement.

"And that's what keeps me going, and happy."

A silence gathered, as Anna empathised with and at the same time couldn't possibly comprehend Jane's situation, and they both began to contemplate once more.

"Still," Jane said as quiet as before but with a hint of a smile in her voice, "there's nothing like spending Christmas with the ones you love."

She looked up and found that Jane's face was lit with a knowing expression towards her, and Anna's features contorted,at first feigning ignorance and then couldn't refrain from breaking into a joyful giggle. After a second, her eyes drifted over a little way across the hall, to see Mr Bates standing there, talking quietly with Mr Carson. His figure, as fine and tall as ever, bent ever so slightly as he leaned in to catch something Mr Carson was saying, his weight resting reliably upon his cane and his face set sure, listening attentively, as he always did. Anna was drawn to him completely, finding it almost impossible to stop staring blatantly towards where he was, appreciating each little movement and breath he took with every fibre of her being. She wondered to herself if he had the real notion of just what a mere glance in his direction sparked off within her. Anna tilted her head a little to the side to follow his hand, suddenly moving up beside him to punctuate his reply. She watched keenly as his fingertips played and caressed at the air, and she felt a fire start all over her, spreading up from the base of her spine. Suddenly, she didn't just imagine but could feel those fingers upon her again, sweeping over her skin effortlessly, delicate but strong. They travelled down her side before slipping to the bone of her hip and then, daring to venture further, grasped at her skirts and landed upon her thigh, as she gasped in welcome surprise at his searching touch…she felt herself colour intensely at the thought, and her gaze dropped to study the knots in the table. Oh, the things that he did to her; if anyone ever knew, she would certainly be in trouble.

Recovering, she looked up again and saw him still regarding Mr Carson faithfully. Anna went on admiring his quiet, patient manner, and just him, when for a few seconds, Mr Carson's attention was averted and then Mr Bates's eyes were upon her, reciprocating within a second the look she was giving him. Seeing his smile melted her on the spot, and she held his gaze while beaming openly at him, a perfect moment created in time between the two of them, before Mr Carson arrived back to hold court once more.

The moment having been drawn to an abrupt close, Anna pushed her chair back with her feet, and rose from the table.

"I think I may just catch a bit of air," she told Jane, with the smile still in her voice. "I'll be back shortly."

Sauntering down the hallway, she slid across the lock of the door with only the slightest sound and emerged into the crisp night air, where everything was so much calmer and quieter. The wind hit her face, cooling her still burning cheeks pleasantly, and Anna sunk against the wall, relishing the chance to properly collect her thoughts. Slowly, in a little bit of a daze, she brought her hand up to touch the little golden pin studded with garnet and amethyst that was fastened in her hair, the gift she had received from Lady Mary this morning on behalf of the Crawleys. Smiling, she thought of the other present that she had unwrapped hastily here in the courtyard a little later on in the day, a beautifully bound edition of _Jane Eyre_ , given to her by Mr Bates. She had read it several times over since she had been a teenager, but could do so happily many times again, and had long admired this copy since she had happened upon it in the bookshop in Ripon, where they had journeyed shortly after his return earlier in the year. When she had uncovered it, she had been so overjoyed, and scrambled to kiss him with such fervour that she nearly fell over her feet. She felt the colour rise in her face again, and his hand coming to gently catch her wrist as she glanced up to see that he had flushed too. The sight made her quite weak and she had to steady her back against the wall when he clasped her hand and ducked his head to lay a soft kiss upon her cheek. That was the one kiss she had had from him all day, the chance to move closer towards him for anything more taken swiftly from her as the call came from inside the kitchen to let them know that dinner was nearly ready. Anna recalled now the look in his eyes before they turned to enter the hall, a look that reached deep to her very soul, speaking of love and longing, and more than a touch of desire. A look that she returned instantly, holding all of the same emotion. With her back placed similarly against the same wall now, she sighed happily into the night.

She had received the best gift that there could ever be months ago; to have him back at Downton, where he belonged. To have him back with her, where he was always meant to be. The joy that had flooded her senses at the moment he had arrived in the hall once more had remained with her at every moment of every day since, and was unlike anything she had ever encountered. He was there again, at her side, when for so long she had expected to never see him again. A thousand promises renewed, though they had never been broken, not in her eyes or heart. Along with the love that had not died, there came hope, there came a chance. But it was much more than that. For years they had fought a war to be with each other, braving endless battles and struggles, and now it seemed as if they were coming close to winning. She had had little doubt, but his return only confirmed it; that their love had deepened, becoming stronger than ever, standing assured and true with everything they had had to face. Still, they had to contend with a fate that was at once favourable but deeply cruel, bringing forth the recent shock of Vera's death. But even with the trauma that was brought upon them anew, nothing could shake their love nor sever their unbreakable bond. Anna comforted herself with the knowledge that whatever was to come, it would always stay the same. In fact, the only way things could change would be for her to love him more, and she wasn't sure if that was possible, although the last couple of years had taught her that anything was. Looking up at the few stars that dotted the sky she felt no trouble or worry, only faith in a future that she knew was waiting for them, somewhere not too far away.

Though it had been some months since his homecoming, Anna had been waiting for Christmas to come and could hardly contain her excitement as the later months of the year approached, elated that they should be having the chance to spend the season truly together once more. November had barely arrived when she found herself dreaming of the ways they might spend the time leading up to Christmas, that became increasingly fanciful. As it turned out, with the conclusion of the war neither of them was afforded much free time, certainly not enough to allow them both to get away from the house in one another's company, yet there were able to spend a little while each evening sitting, talking and making preparations for the holiday in the house as they had done years before. Anna took great pleasure in this; somehow, the simple quality of the things that they did had made their togetherness even sweeter.

Once again, the opportunity for a prolonged meeting amidst the season had only come last night, when they all made the journey to and from church for Christmas Eve mass. On the way there from the house, they stayed a little way behind the others as usual, keeping perfect pace with one another, talking about anything and everything, sharing in the peaceful night. As they approached the church, when its welcoming glow came into view from the distance and harmonious bells sounded out around them, Anna moved her hand ever so slightly from where it hung close to his side, and carefully laced her fingers with his, sliding against them softly. Mr Bates glanced at her with a warm smile stretching across his lips, and responded by squeezing her hand gently in his own. Entering the church, she was composed completely of serenity, and sheer happiness.

When they left an hour later, they waited a little while for the others to walk ahead, and set off back towards Downton Abbey. Having been filled with an immense joy, Anna had to stop herself from striding too far in front, coming to a halt to allow him to catch up. As she stopped, she looked behind her and saw Mr Bates regarding her with intent, curious eyes. A funny feeling still started in the pit of her stomach when she received one of his searching gazes, as well as a fierce blush firing up upon her face. At least in the open winter night she could put her rosiness down to the fresh chill of the air. Even as he stood once more at her side, his gaze did not leave her, indeed only getting deeper, and she found herself quite overwhelmed.

"Mr Bates," she began, "whatever's the matter?"

"Oh, nothing," he replied with a little smirk, and though part of her was still a little frustrated at his lack of forthcoming, she could not help but love it too, as she loved everything that made him the man he was. They continued on, walking in step again, and Anna watched him staring off into the dark thoughtfully, with the same rapt attention focused upon him as he had shown her just minutes ago. He swivelled his head to meet her eyes again, and she broke into a wide grin, thinking that she had no reason to complain when she had gotten exactly what she was asking for in return.

"I was just thinking…"

"What's new?" she responded with a cheeky note in her voice, stealing a smile from him.

"I was thinking about your belief, and how strong and sure it is. How you looked before we left, when you lit the candle at the back of the church and prayed; you did so with such grace, such reverence."

Anna glanced down at the ground briefly, a little shy that he had watched her so closely, yet adoring him for doing so.

"You're aware that I don't have much faith, but that's for my own reasons. I certainly don't hold yours against you."

"I know that, Mr Bates."

"In all honesty, I admire it deeply."

She grinned before lifting her head back up towards him.

"Yet another thing you admire about me, Mr Bates. You should be careful; I shall become quite insufferable if you continue in such ardent admiration."

He smiled widely at her, and she revelled in the effect she had produced, entirely selfish on her part. Then he turned serious once more, regaining his previous train of thought despite her attempts at deflection.

"I confess I am a little amazed. Not once have I seen you swerve or falter, you always remain so devoted and certain. Even with all that has happened to make you think otherwise."

His voice shook a little and faltered, and Anna had the overwhelming urge to take him in her arms, suspecting he may have been referring to something else other than her religious belief.

"Tell me, Anna, do you never doubt?"

She smiled to herself as he regarded her so closely, with such sincerity and questioning in his tone, hanging on her answer as if it were his life that depended on it.

"Truthfully, I can't say that I do. I'm sure many people do lose their faith, especially with everything that has gone on in the world in the last few years, but I have only ever found that it has served me well, and I should continue to be grateful for it."

She caught his expression and posture easing, and let out a repressed sigh of her own before she continued.

"Maybe it has something to do with something my mother always used to tell me. Whenever I might have got angry or upset about an obstacle that was in my way, she'd say that God only saved the hardest tests for the strongest people, because he knew that they would be able to survive and endure them with bravery and tenacity. And in the end, they would have their reward for trusting in him. It's what I believe too. Everything happens for a reason, and though not always true, most of the time we need not question it."

"I can see how that would be right."

He half-smiled at her, and as she had done on the previous journey, she pressed her palm to his, looking at him with complete confidence.

"But I'm not sure about placing all my hope in faith," she started again as they strolled along at a slightly quickened pace. "There are other forces that I think we should believe in, things that affect our lives much deeper. They're the things that really matter. And I have to say that I believe most in something else right now, and have done so for quite some time."

She was quite certain he could not miss her meaning, and her question was answered when he entwined their fingers, raised their clasped hands up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles softly.

"Well, I can't argue with that whatsoever. Because of everything in this world, that's what I believe in too."

Standing in the courtyard in the dark, Anna dug her hands into the pocket of her apron and found what she was looking for. With a smile playing upon her lips, she retrieved the ring, balancing it on her palm before she fixed it to her finger. She could only ever wear it for a few moments each day, yet she instantly felt better when she had it on. _Different_ , but somehow not at all. As if only then was she the person she was always meant to be. Rubbing the fingers of her other hand carefully over it, she recalled the Christmas she received it, in his absence, and thought of everything that the neat little ring stood for then and still held now, only growing in meaning and significance. Of course she wouldn't have changed it for the world, but she couldn't prevent a part of her from picturing another band sparkling beneath it.

It was still almost too much for her to truly believe, the possibility that they could now be married, much sooner than she had ever anticipated. She tried not to get ahead of herself or get too excited – they would still have to hold off for a little while to let the storm dissipate, and it was only right. Even after so long spent hoping, wishing and dreaming, Anna recognised that there was no need for haste, least of all now. Still, the thought that it was able to happen stayed with her every second of every day, and she felt utterly thrilled whenever she imagined the day when it would happen, closer to her now than ever. She wasn't quite sure if she would be able to wait a whole year, but in her mind she kept picturing a winter wedding. That would be lovely. Perhaps there would even be snow. As close to Christmas as it was possible to get, to make the season even more special. She saw him, standing by the registry office, sheltering from the cold, waiting patiently for her, knowing that it truly wouldn't be long before she would be his wife, and her stomach flipped and her heart soared in her chest.

_There could still be time_ , she thought as she stood gazing down upon her hand. They could work it out somehow. Nobody would have to know, except the two of them. To be married before the year was out, run away somewhere, start the next in the best possible way there could be: as husband and wife.

She sighed a little, knowing it couldn't possibly happen, but felt sorrow for nothing but a mere second. It was impossible for her to sulk or be downhearted, at Christmas anyway but especially this year. Even though she was quite entitled, and perhaps she indulged herself every now and then in a quiet moment, Anna wasn't one for fanciful dreams of a lavish wedding day. Not because she knew they couldn't come true, but because she only thought a little bit about the day itself. What she really dreamt of was everything that came afterwards. Being able to call herself _Mrs Bates_. Starting their life together openly for the whole world to know, though she had promised her life to him long ago. Finally, they would be able to call it all their own; everything he had spoken of and promised to her as they had sat together what seemed so long ago, the memory as vivid for Anna as if it had happened just the other night. A home. Children. Absolute and pure happiness. She could see it all unfolding before her, the life that they were always meant to have, and she could have cried with joy.

Taking a last long look at the ring, she pondered how much everything had changed in the space of just a couple of years. When she had first placed it upon her hand, they were miles apart, in body if not in heart. This Christmas, they were together again. Right now, that was all that mattered to her in the world, the most important thing that could be.

She swiped her fingertips over it once more, rubbing her hands together a little to stave off the cold, when she caught sight of the shadow falling through the open doorway, inching over the floor closer to where she stood. Her grin was bright enough to illuminate the night.

"Here you are." At once, he was by her side, and now she felt truly complete. "I was looking for you inside, but mustn't have seen you leave. Have you had enough of all the revelry?"

The muffled noises of the merry times happening within the hall could still be heard where they stood, and Anna leaned a little, smiling back at what was going on.

"I thought I'd just step out for a little bit. It was getting a little rowdy. I think perhaps I might be a little too old for all that now."

Mr Bates raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise.

"Well, if _you're_ too old, then God only knows what I am."

She chuckled, and softly swatted him on the arm. "Silly. We'll have none of that." He smiled at her with warm eyes, and she sighed a little more inside. "I'm glad to see them all enjoying themselves, though. It's so good for everyone to be having such a nice time, without worry hanging over them. It's what Christmas should be about."

"Very true," he assented, drawing himself closer to her, and Anna found that her breath was taken away. "I have to say though, even if it is perilously cold, I'm having a far nicer time out here. With you." He gave her another one of those deep looks with his dark eyes, flashing a little with a desire both of them were fighting to keep under control.

"Mr Bates, you are a flatterer." She batted her eyelashes at him, tracing her hands ever so lightly down the edge of his jacket, before pulling away slightly with a satisfied smile, hearing him let out a little chortle.

"Though I'm a little worried about spending too much time away from the hall. I feel that I should take it upon myself to keep an eye on Mr Carson," he said, while watching her rub her hands against the flimsy cotton arms of her dress. "Every time I see it, his sherry glass is magically refilled. If the night goes on much longer then I suspect we may be treated to half of the Cheerful Charlies act."

They both burst into laughter at the thought of Mr Carson a little intoxicated, taking the spotlight from Tom, standing up upon the table and breaking into song and dance.

"Oh well, that would be quite the treat," Anna managed to say between her giggles, starting off in hysterics again when she saw the exasperated look in Mr Bates's eyes contemplating the idea. Her laughter was infectious, and sent him into gales of hilarity too. Anna's heart melted; she couldn't quite remember the last time she'd seen him so carefree, and it made her feel absolutely amazing, just as the whole day had. She had to admit though, as close to frozen as she was standing out here, that this very moment was the highlight. His smiling face was more than enough to warm her to the very core.

After a few moments, their laughter faded into the night, and it could no longer be hidden. Even in the dark she was able to see it clear, sadly familiar; the worry that was lurking behind his half-smile, set deep within his eyes. Her heart started to sink rapidly down, knowing what it was he was plagued with once more, though he had done his utmost to keep it at bay throughout the whole day. To turn things around, she reached out and swiftly grabbed his hand, giving him a little start.

"We've had such a wonderful day," she said softly, her eyes full of comfort upon him and her fingers stroking his skin. "Don't let's spoil it now, fretting about things that can't be changed."

She realised that it was a little pointless to say, hoping her words didn't sound hollow. Whatever was said, he would not be able to help but worry. But she wanted to soothe him, take it away for just a few moments. She wanted him not to dwell on the past or the future, but simply enjoy the present that they were in and was so glorious.

She saw him looking at their joined hands, smiling as he wrapped his fingers around hers and matched the tender caresses she had given him with ones of his own to her. Tingles were sent spiralling down her spine as he continued issuing gentle touches. His head lifted to meet her eyes once more, and he answered with a smile in reply. Anna wasn't sure if that was the end of it and thought she should say something completely different, to change the subject, but found herself unable to speak just then.

"I could never fret," he said in a low almost-whisper, "not when you're here beside me. You make everything so much better, Anna; I can't even begin to say."

There was the slightest crack in his voice, and Anna felt her eyes moisten as she stayed staring into his own. Subconsciously, she lifted a hand and smoothed it across his shoulder, then down the length of his arm.

"Well, it's a good thing that I'm not going anywhere."

She beamed up at him love and sincerity deep within her, and delighted as he gave it all back to her in return. Even with the closeness at which they stood with one another, her shoulders shuddered visibly.

"Come here."

His voice dropped even lower and Anna felt herself fluster, as Mr Bates opened his arms out towards her. Immediately, she moved into his embrace, wrapping her arms tight around him, head nestling comfortably against his chest. His hands trailed up and down her arms, venturing to stop her from shivering, yet underneath the thin fabric her skin prickled pleasantly against his touch. He moved them to circle around her, pulling her even closer against him, and began to stroke the small of her back softly.

"Is that any better?"

"Mmmm," she sighed, inhaling his scent deeply. "Much better."

"Good," he chuckled, holding her firm. His hands rose further up her back as hers splayed against his chest. She closed her eyes, feeling his warm breath falling upon her hair before he left a kiss there on the crown of her head.

It was incredibly tempting for them to stay there for the whole night, but eventually they shifted. As she tore herself away from him, Anna felt Mr Bates take her left hand. He rubbed the pad of his thumb across her fingers, before he lifted it further up towards his face. She coloured once more under his attentions, and her eyes flashed when she saw him gazing down at the ring that adorned it.

Mr Bates tilted his head a little to the side, swiping his fingers attentively over the piece of jewellery. Then he let out a sigh.

"I only wish you could have been wearing a different one."

Anna swallowed, trying to stop her hand from trembling in his.

"And I will be, in time. So don't go giving yourself a hard time about it." She made sure that the smile was in her voice as she said the words. "This means everything to me as it is."

She brought up her hand to brush against the curve of his jaw, then dropped it to cover his own. Mr Bates regarded it closely, before he looked up at her again.

"There is so much that I want to give to you, so many things you should have that are only the least of all what you deserve. I still don't know why you stayed with me for so long, when all I could offer was less than nothing."

She couldn't stop her head from shaking in disbelief as his gaze stayed firm upon her, and his hand was still circled with hers.

"Well if you don't know, then you're not as clever as I thought."

He gave the faintest hint of a half-smile. "I know, but that doesn't mean I completely understand. I'm not sure I ever will. But who am I to argue?" Momentarily, she was treated to a wider smile blossoming upon his lips, hidden to her when he lifted her hand once more and kissed it at length.

"All I know is that it has taken far too long, much longer than I ever wanted. But now, I can give you a promise for it all."

Against the Christmas night, Anna shivered once more, but this time not from the rapidly falling temperature.

Mr Bates shifted his feet a little. "Although my promises haven't always stood for that much." She couldn't help the ghost of a giggle from playing at the corners of her mouth as he looked down sheepishly. He clasped her hand tighter in his. "But things have changed now. I can swear it to you, truly. You will have everything you need, I will spend the rest of my life making sure of it."

Anna smiled widely as she caught his gaze once more. Though she loved to hear him say it, she didn't have to be told of any promise, knowing it to be true in her heart for years yet.

"I already have everything," she said, with a deep and certain breath out, and placed her palm flat against the left side of his chest before she leaned in to leave a kiss upon his cheek. "Because I have you. And that, Mr Bates, is all I shall ever need."

She thrilled to see his eyes burst into light against the dark, and to see him smiling like he had never done before, with sheer bliss in the words he had heard her say.

"How on earth do I have you, that's what I wish to know."

"You don't need to ask. You always have, and always will." She smiled as she gave his hand a squeeze, before letting their grasp from one another fall. "For good and proper."

His eyes shone even more on hearing her return the words from his arrival, so many months back. Time seemed to stop still as they smiled lovingly at one another, never wanting to take eyes from each other.

After a few blissful moments, Anna made to turn to look out into the courtyard, when something stopped her short. From the corner of her eye she glimpsed what she thought was a green leaf poking from the pocket of his trousers.

"Mr Bates, is that what I think it might be?" she enquired quizzically.

A smile crept up on his lips as he gave her affirmation without words, pulling the sprig of mistletoe out into the air.

"Mr Carson confiscated it from one of the hall boys, not wanting to encourage any unsavoury behaviour," he said with a smirk. "He entrusted it to me for responsible safekeeping. Although I'm not sure I was the best person to oblige."

He chanced a peek into the open hallway, before fixing his eyes back firmly upon her, twirling the sprig in his hands.

"Do you think it would be very hypocritical of me to venture to use it myself…?"

He was now looking at her very mischievously, and though she could hardly resist him in any state, now Anna found it was almost impossible to keep a veil of composure.

"Why, Mr Bates, that's not responsible at all. Whatever would people think of you; the upstanding, honourable valet doing such a thing…?" She tried hard to stifle her laughter.

"I'm finding that I don't particularly care at this moment," he said in a low growl, and a jolt shot through her as he edged nearer to her frame, close enough that there was barely enough space to breath between them. "I haven't had the pleasure of kissing you properly all day long, and if I wait any longer, I'm fearful of what may happen to me."

Anna edged back a little, teasing out the moment, although she so desperately wanted to take the sprig from his hands and spring forward onto him without delay or hesitation.

"And you have to use that to be able to do so? Really, I should be insulted."

He smirked at her, with eyes set twinkling as he placed a strong hand at the base of her spine and pulled her back towards him decisively.

"Well, it is Christmas…"

Her eyes fixed upon the curve of his lips, parted slightly and so temptingly before her, and she trembled in anticipation.

"I suppose it would be a shame to waste the tradition, then," she said, breathily.

That was all it took for him to raise the mistletoe above them with one hand, bringing the other to cup the back of her head, guiding her mouth to meet his own, though she did not need to be led. After waiting all day long, their lips were upon each other again. With eagerness on both sides, they moved against each other with fervour, desperate to touch and taste. Anna parted hers to allow his tongue to slide into her mouth softly, and she heard herself sigh as he went on caressing, kissing her languidly and incredibly sensually, feeling the passion with every stroke. Her hands circled higher upon his neck, grasping and fingers sinking into his hair as she lost herself completely against his lips. She wished for the kiss to last forever, but they were dangerously close to running out of air.

Finally they broke apart, both breathing rather raggedly, and Anna's hands scrambled against the buttons of his waistcoat. Before he raised his head, he peppered a few soft feather kisses upon her lips that were slightly swollen from the ardour of their previous kiss, and she had to smile against his as he did so.

"This time next year, I promise you," he whispered, caressing her cheek tenderly. "We will be married. Spending Christmas as husband and wife. What will be the first of so many."

Anna grinned.

"I couldn't ask for anything better."


	5. Christmas 1920

John stood at the threshold of the door, wrapped in his heavy winter coat, hat and scarf, ready to face the elements. In the muted hallway, and against the closed door, he could hear the wind being whipped and howling incessantly to be let inside. It was succeeding by gradual inches; a draught nipping fiercely at his ankles and jumping higher by the second. Taking a fortifying breath that did little to warm him, he looked out into the dark of the night from the window. He could see nothing, of course, except a canvas of black. The cold would be absolutely unforgiving out there, he knew, yet it did not prevent him from wanting desperately to be outside in the thick of it, to be on his way back.

Undoing the buttons of his coat and waistcoat swiftly and deftly, he pulled out and stole a glance at his pocket watch. Barely five minutes had passed since his last look, the hands having scarcely moved. It felt like much longer. Lifting his eyes back down towards the inviting glow at the other end, he heard himself let out a sigh as his cane tapped rhythmically against the tiles. He found he had become increasingly impatient in recent months, it being a part of his demeanour that had never emerged so keenly previously, and he didn't wish to further encourage the trait in himself. The cold was starting to sink deeper under his skin. He felt himself beginning to seize up, and winced a little. Knowing action had to be taken, he began to take silent, slow steps down the hallway. He'd taken not but a couple when his movements were stopped still by soft voices emerging from the open door at the furthest end.

"Are you quite sure that you don't need any more help, Mrs Hughes?"

His ears were tuned and his senses enlivened from the very first syllable, and a sure smile found its way instantly to his face, removing without haste any trace of annoyance he had held. He hadn't even had to have seen her for her enchanting effect to take hold of him once more.

"I'm absolutely certain, Anna. There's more than enough of us to hold the fort here, and everything is, God give us grace, under control for the time being. So as much as I appreciate your offer and your presence here, I want you to be on your way."

There was a momentary hush, and John could picture the warm smile blossoming upon Anna's lips in wordless reply to the housekeeper's commands.

"And you have your own house now," Mrs Hughes's voice came forth again, "I'm sure you must have things there to prepare."

Now it was John's turn to answer Mrs Hughes invisibly with a wide grin. They did have their own house, indeed. Anna had left it that morning with hardly an article out of place, and to his estimation everything was ready for the next day as it was. But, he judged, there were always things to be done. He'd rather Mrs Hughes didn't know precisely about the matters he was thinking of, but she didn't live in a sack; far from it. He felt his cheeks burning.

"If you're sure."

"Anna, if you ask me again, I shall have to drag you out on your heels!" There was a burst of laughter, and he would never tire of the wonderful sound of his wife's giggles for as long as he drew breath. Mrs Hughes's tone lowered, though he could still discern. "Now, Mr Bates must be quite tired of waiting for you."

A reply followed immediately, her voice getting nearer. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs Hughes."

He made to turn back the very short distance as he heard her steps approaching but was completely arrested when she emerged, sooner than he'd even anticipated. The hallway was already radiating with soft light and warmth but with her standing within it everything intensified tenfold. On beholding him, she had broke into a smile that was bigger and more beautiful than almost any he had ever seen grace her, and he couldn't have cared less that he looked like a lovesick fool, simply regarding the sight of her in her black dress. As she lessened the distance, her eyes did not leave him for a second, and he still felt utterly reverent that she should have chosen to bestow so much upon him.

"I was just about to set up camp for the night."

She giggled again as she arrived at his side.

"Cheeky beggar." Her eyes sparkled as she gazed up at him, and swiped her hand down his forearm. John shivered a little; he hadn't realised how much he had yearned for her touch in the last hours. "I couldn't leave Mrs Hughes in the lurch. But I've had my marching orders now, so," she stretched up to take her hat from the rack, and brushed herself against him ever so lightly as she lowered herself back down to the floor, "I'm all yours."

The shiver settled itself delightfully at the bottom of his spine. "Not before time," he purred into her ear, and watched her triumphantly as she flushed a rosy red. Hooking his cane onto his right arm, he held out her coat carefully by the shoulders. She slipped into it effortlessly, pulling it close to the curves of her body to button it up. As she did so, he let a gentle hand travel down her back, wiping clear the specks that had collected upon it throughout the day. He kept his eyes upon her head, which swivelled up towards the empty rack a little quizzically.

"Is there something wrong?"

"My scarf…" she uttered, grabbing at air and looking around with a confused, completely adorable expression on her features for a few seconds, before realisation dawned upon her. "Oh, of course. I gave it to Daisy this afternoon when she had to go out to fetch something. She'd left her own behind at church last week, silly girl. I didn't see her with it when she came back; I suspect mine met have met the same fate." She sighed heavily at the thought.

John smiled. "My love, you are far too generous for your own good."

Anna turned her body towards him, folding over her collar and offering a mischievous little grin that lit up her face in return. "I wouldn't say that quite. Perhaps I'm too generous for the good of others, yes." She curled herself around his fingers as he put his own scarf around her neck, the tips brushing a little too long against her clavicle before he bundled her up. "But I just can't refrain from helping those in need."

He let out a little chuckle as he tucked the bulk of grey wool into her coat. "I know that too well."

She glanced up at him with eyes that were first admonishing, but which softened completely when she beheld the look that was deep in his own.

"Are we all ready now?"

"I'd say so," Anna answered. "Until tomorrow afternoon."

The look that was filled with joy and excitement soured a little on hearing the reply she had given. "I thought we may have cause not to venture out at all tomorrow."

Anna couldn't help but smirk at his little bout of sulking, gazing at him lovingly.

"Well, we can't very well be unsociable at Christmas, even if we are married. It wouldn't be very appreciative, would it? And it is tradition."

John sighed. He knew his wife had a point, and he did like to spend Christmas Day in the house, but things were different this year, and he had rather expected her to share his way of thinking.

"Besides," her voice sounded soft and soothing against him, "we do have all of this evening and the whole morning just to ourselves. Away from everyone."

The fingers of her right hand settled upon his left, and he let her lift it to her, lacing them together with the softest of touches. He had to stop himself from groaning aloud at her strokes upon his skin, instead straining a smile which relaxed when he saw it was reflected back with her own. Reluctantly, her fingers fell away from his one by one, and she lifted her hands to pull on her battered and well-worn leather gloves.

"Let's not waste a minute more," he breathed, covering her small, clad hand once more completely with his large gloved one, feeling the spark igniting against their joined palms even with the layers that separated them. He caressed the other against her cheek lightly, feeling her shake at the sensation of the leather against her skin, smiling as he slid the lock across the door and opened it to the elements.

The strong, freezing blast was an immediate force against them before they'd even stepped from the doorway, and John felt Anna huddle firmly against his side. Her face brushed at the coarse fabric of his coat, her eyes shut tight against the brisk wind, and he lifted a hand up to soothe and shield her delicate skin while his arm circled tight about her waist, ensuring she was completely protected in his embrace.

"We should brace ourselves," he whispered. She nodded her head as vigorously as she could against the might of the wind, her eyes already watering. He wiped away the stream gently, and then they set off bravely into the night.

It was quite a considerable walk back to the cottage on any evening, but John suspected this particular one would take even longer. It wasn't too much of a problem; he always enjoyed the journey, even on the nights where his knee would protest a little louder than usual. After all, it gave him even more chance to be with Anna, some nights for the only time alone since they had emerged in the morning, and they were never short of things to say or do that filled the time more than comfortably. Each time they made the trip, he couldn't fail to be reminded of the first time they had taken it together, on the afternoon of his return. She had barely been able to wait for him to come out from the hall, almost dragging him out of the door of Downton, and her eyes danced wonderfully with delight all the way along to the cottages. He really had no idea how he had maintained enough control to only stop and kiss her once on the way. It was like he had been ensconced in a dream, and still, he hadn't woken up.

Her steps had decided that the best course tonight was to head down the straight road. It was the longest way back, but as ever, she knew instinctively the right thing to do for him. The paths that wound up and down, in and around the trees, could be dangerous at the best of times, but would be even more precarious with the ice that was already forming upon the ground, and almost impossible to navigate. He found himself wishing that it would have been positioned a little nearer to the Abbey. For peace of mind, yes, but also because today, the wait had proved too much. If only the conditions hadn't been quite so treacherous, he would have clasped her by the hand and led her down the secret pathway they had only discovered but a few weeks ago. He smiled at the memory, the branches that tangled about and enclosed them completely as they stopped on their way, finally turning up to work a little later than was anticipated. Now the dark would be a further disguise, cloaking their clandestine kisses and caresses amidst the undergrowth. Surely nobody would be quite so foolish to be out in this anyway, so perhaps they wouldn't even have to hide. He itched to be nearer to her still, to feel every inch of her under his hands.

She clung her arm tighter to his as they went on. Yet more frost was falling down fast upon the cast that already lay underfoot, and it glistened deceptively. His steps were painfully slow; he was moving at half a snail's pace, and knew that she had increased the grip of her hold not for her own sake but for his, which both filled him immensely with love and wounded his pride a little. He cringed and cursed himself as he barely shuffled his feet along, stiffening with every tiny step that was taken. If his younger self was able to witness the pitiful sight of him shaking like some newborn creature just learning to walk, he would have at once been highly amused and horrified. As his hand rested upon her arm, he could distinguish Anna shivering quite fiercely underneath his fingers, and he turned his head to see that the tip of her nose and her earlobes had gone bright red.

"You should go on ahead. You'll freeze before very long, and all because of me."

She only smiled sweetly back at him in the moonlight that was struggling to split through the mist, face glowing with the falling temperature but primarily out of her overwhelming affection for him, and he was walking now with a little more confidence beholding it.

"You silly thing, I'm perfectly fine. I'm not going anywhere." She stroked her hand against his own, before squeezing it against the sleeve of his coat. "If I'm going to be frozen for the rest of time, I should want to be right here at your side."

With that, he simply could not resist stopping them both, leaning down and leaving a kiss upon her cold, soft lips. Their noses rubbed together as their mouths left one another, and Anna giggled in delight at the contact.

Approaching the row of cottages, the way became easier to handle. Stroking her arm gently, John unlinked it from his, urging her to get a head start on him; as much as she protested, he wouldn't let her suffer with the cold a second longer than she had to, and knowing she would be waiting for him inside, even if it was only yards away, would give him an incentive to get a move on faster. Though reluctant at first, Anna gave him a glance over her shoulder before striding in front apace. John observed her graceful but almost childishly giddy skip with joy, and rather admired the way her coat hugged tight to her, as if the fabric was just as taken with her as everything else and refused to let go once it possessed her. His eyes travelled carefully upwards from her delicate ankles all the way to the curve of her shoulders, marvellously silhouetted against the night. There really was no doubt about it; his wife was the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth. Her feet were gliding over the ground, her head turning every other second to catch sight of him following her faithfully, and she smiled and giggled as she spun her body about quicker. His heart jumped and then almost stopped completely at the moment she skidded on a patch of unseen ice just outside their cottage. His arms flew out at once to catch her, though she stopped short of falling to the ground.

"Oh dear," her voice sounded perceptibly shaken with the shock. Catching up with her immediately, John placed his hands firmly upon her waist, feeling her inhale sharply and then relax in the safety of his hold.

"You shouldn't be so easily distracted, Mrs Bates." He held her close to him, warm breath comforting against her ear.

She craned her head around as far as she could to meet his adoring gaze.

"You shouldn't be quite so distracting, Mr Bates."

Once inside, they hurried from the little hallway into the sitting room, still clad in all of their outer gear, desperate to rid themselves of the chill. Anna balanced herself against the arm of the settee, swiftly unlacing and kicking off her boots, and then hopped up and down on the spot repeatedly in a fevered attempt to stimulate her circulation. John had to laugh lovingly at the sight of her bouncing about as he went over to the fire, though his smile faded when he picked up the bucket at its side.

"Blast."

"What is it?" Anna kept on hopping, bringing her hands up to her mouth and rubbing them together.

"We've hardly any coal left." John sighed; though it wasn't really that far, he didn't relish venturing out into the arctic conditions so soon again for the purpose of getting some more. Swirling the bucket about in his hands, he shrugged his shoulders and huffed a little louder. There was a little noise; he looked up, and could see that Anna was trying – and failing hopelessly – to stop herself from laughing.

"I told you you should have gone and got some this morning before we left," she insisted, moving across the room towards him. "I knew you wouldn't be in the mood when we got back."

"Yes, well, I think you would have been the one complaining if I had," he returned, seeing her shrinking with an embarrassment that was absolutely gorgeous and did nothing to uphold his grumpiness at that moment in time. "What was it you were saying? 'Just five more minutes…'"

Her shyness had quite faded in an instant, replaced with a distinctly cheeky smile playing upon her lips.

"I might have said that."

He edged closer towards her, letting his free hand rest upon her hip.

"And, frankly, your timekeeping is shocking, as I'm most certain five minutes turned into ten. No, fifteen."

His fingers trailed up her side, lingering a little over certain spots of her skin underneath her clothes. She gasped as they teased just slightly at the curve of her breast, and then giggled happily at the memory from earlier in the day.

"Well, you can do a lot more in fifteen minutes," she said huskily as her hands dropped lower down his back, eyes dancing upon the hollow of his throat. "And I'm sure you enjoyed it much more than raking out coal."

"Oh lord, that I did." He ducked his head down to kiss below her ear, nipping lightly at the skin, thrilling at the way she reacted so much from just the slightest touch. She moved against him, craning up and capturing his lips in a full kiss, stroking her hands over him and letting one wrap itself around the hand that was, strangely enough, still attached to the handle. They relished one another slowly, languidly, tenderly, before they pulled back at exactly the same second and both peered into the bucket, carefully assessing its content with hands linked.

"It'll do for tonight," Anna reasoned, swiping her other hand from his neck to his chest, and he fought hard to get himself back into the moment.

"Are you sure? I can go and fetch some."

"No, really."

Gazing down at their entwined hands, seeing the band upon her finger glisten, he smiled. He was more than a little relieved at her answer; if he hadn't felt much like leaving mere moments ago, he most definitely did not want to now. He watched as she got up on her tiptoes once more, kissing him upon his jaw before bringing her mouth to his ear.

"And there are much better ways of getting warm."

The smirk instantly flashed up in his eyes on hearing her delicious whisper, and he made to bring his lips to her neck, but she jumped away before he could begin what she had brought burning to his mind.

"Mr Bates," she giggled melodiously, "I'm not sure what you were thinking of, but I was simply referring to having a hot drink."

She sauntered away into the kitchen, leaving him in pursuit, not wanting to suspend the wonderful trance she had now put him in. Side by side, they took out their cups from the cupboard, gathering the supplies. John filled the kettle as Anna spooned out the powder with careful measuring, and before long the room emanated with a delicious aroma of cocoa, one of the many smells of Christmas now large in their little cottage. He went back into the sitting room to make up the rather meagre fire, finishing just as she carried the tray slowly in and placed it with precision down upon the table. He smiled as he took up his cup and sunk down onto the settee, with her following at his side. Glancing at each other, they took a few sips and satisfied for now, put the cups back onto the tray. Her arm wound fluently around his back and settled upon his waist, with his resting round her shoulder, pulling her even closer to him. John leant back comfortably, happier than he had been all day to see her with her head rested against his chest, letting out a little sigh and curling up like a cat. He chortled as she snuggled down even further, her eyes fluttering shut contentedly. He too didn't know when he had been so perfectly at peace, until the lovely thought dawned on him that it was now something of a permanent state of mind.

"Are you quite happy there?" he enquired, still chuckling, the vibrations sending the loose strands of her hair shaking ever so slightly.

"I am," Anna replied dreamily. "So happy, that I could stay here forever."

He smiled, stroking her head and tucking the hairs that he was able to gently behind her right ear.

"That sounds like a very good prospect indeed."

After a little while, for some time of which John wondered if she might have gone to sleep, Anna shifted and rose, stretching out her limbs as she still sat next to him.

"I do have something of a plan for tonight though."

John's eyebrows quirked instinctively, his interest piqued. "Oh, really?" he said, as he watched her get to her feet, rolling her shoulders. "Do you care to tell, or will it be a Christmas surprise?"

Anna smiled. "It's not a surprise," she began. "I just thought it'll be rather nice if we have something to eat, and then…" she strung out her words, "…head to bed."

He very nearly spat out the cocoa that was still in his mouth, swallowing it decisively when he glimpsed the look in her eyes. If she was going to play it like this, then he thought he would have to use another tactic all together.

"Go to bed so early? I had thought you'd want to stay awake until the small hours, on Christmas Eve."

"I don't think I said anything about sleeping."

John felt tingles shoot across the length of his body. He should have known she wouldn't back down, would find a way to get the upper hand, and she had done precisely that. She crouched down on her knees at his feet as he remained on the settee, and as her eyelashes fluttered up at him, he was overcome by a mixture of deep desire and absolute adoration. He shifted himself forward, legs stretching out either side of her, and leaned down a little to cup her cheek in his palm. She shut her eyes once more, smiling against his touch, and he found he was still surprised by the power of the love he held for her. Her blue eyes opened again, and all he could think about just then was how he could stare into them forever and never tire of doing so, and how much he loved her, with every beat of his heart, which right now was pounding with ferocity against his chest.

Slowly, Anna got to her feet once more, and headed to the door, John transfixed to her every movement.

"Actually, I'm not even that hungry."

"I can't say that I am, either," he echoed the sentiment as he finally managed to stand.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" The words rolled off her tongue seductively. "I think we should head upstairs at once."

John's smile nearly split his face. "Dear wife, I can never argue with what you have to say."

* * *

Putting down the towel and turning off the little light, John pushed the door of the bathroom open enough to be able to see into the bedroom. He had expected Anna's shape to be visible under the covers, duvet cocooning her completely, mass of blonde hair splayed out upon the pillow, but the bed remained empty. As he emerged fully into the room he caught sight of her, standing by the window, facing the scene outside. One delicate hand was perched upon her hip while the other drifted back and forth over the little space between her collarbone and shoulder. For moments he was held once more in her quiet splendour, attention captivated by the hair that was cascading down her back, held together in a loose braid. She turned ever so slightly to the side, just enough for her profile to be illuminated in the shimmering sliver of moonlight that was spilling through the glass. She was utterly, absolutely stunning, inside and out, and she was his. If he hadn't known otherwise, he would have been certain that it was all a dream. He couldn't prevent the blissful sigh that came from his lips escaping as he stood, almost unable to believe his luck. She glanced over her shoulder at him, greeting him with a hazy but earnest smile.

"Is everything alright, my love?"

John padded over to arrive at her back, his arms instinctively wrapping tenderly about her waist. Anna sighed, placing her hands over his which had met just underneath her stomach.

"Everything's perfect," she answered him in a soft voice, fingers stroking lightly over his skin as she kept looking out at the estate, cloaked in black primarily, with a glistening dusting of dark frost settled upon the ground and on the rooftops. "The time of year, this very second, being right here." Her hand rubbed over his gently, and she turned around in his arms, giving him the most wonderful smile. "Being with you." He could hear the smile in her words, and it made him grin too. "I know we're not even at the best part yet, but I just don't know how it can be any better. Because this is all I've ever wanted and wished for, and it's so much more than I had ever thought it would be." Her gaze dropping to the floor, she began to giggle as both of their hands linked tight together and John very well could have melted just by looking at her. His thumbs issued attentive caresses over her hands, and her eyes flickered back up to meet his again, shining so bright.

"I just can't wait to wake up tomorrow, to find out what else there will be."

Smiling, he brought one of her hands up to his mouth and placed a feathery kiss against her skin.

"It will be perfect," he assured. "As everything always is when I'm with you."

He continued to pepper kisses across her fingers, hearing her laughs turn to gasps as he left an open mouthed kiss on the back of her hand. He lifted his eyes to see that hers had begun to burn with the same desire that he was feeling, before he had to shut them against the wonder of her touch, which had started stroking the sensitive skin at the back of his neck.

Anna turned herself in his embrace again, and they stood for a little while longer, his arms circled firmly around her as they watched the peaceful night go by from their window. There was no sound, except for their soft breaths, and the pounding of his heart against his ears. Her robe slipped a little down her shoulder, and John laid a tender kiss at the patch of skin that was left exposed before adjusting the fabric back in place. His nimble fingers drifted fluidly across the blades, down to fix themselves around the ribbon in her hair. Carefully, with an effortless motion that he had now performed so many times yet nowhere near enough for his liking, he undid the little tie, combing out her silky strands with his hands, letting the golden waves fall about her shoulders. He could have happily repeated the action all night long, but eventually his hands slipped down her sides, arriving once more at her hips where hers met and grasped on to them. She shifted her head to fit it into the crook of his shoulder and his lips were drawn down to hers without hesitation, seeking them out impulsively.

After sharing a few soft kisses, Anna led him by the hand further into the room. As ever, they were of the same mind.

"Ladies first," John purred as he pulled back the covers with one swift action, Anna smiled widely as she watched his mastery before she drew closer down, obliging. The perfect silence didn't last that long at all as she shrieked loudly as soon as her limbs hit the sheets.

"Oh, it's absolutely freezing!" she yelped, grasping onto the blankets that he was still holding, trying to pull them down towards her. "It's as cold as ice." Her eyes shot up to him as he stayed standing above her, a wide smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I thought you were a gentleman, Mr Bates. You should have warmed it up for me."

His eyes twinkled as he chortled at her complaints. "I've bore the brunt of a cold bed almost every night. I think you'll find it's your turn to return the favour and warm it up for me." John had to laugh as he saw her face shadow for all of a second, then soften as he continued to gaze deeply at her. His wife was very good at a lot of things, but putting on a pretence of prolonged petulance was not her forte.

"Well, I've done so now," she batted her eyelashes at him, and now it was his façade that was fast crumbling, "so you can get in."

He flashed a smile as she shifted across the bed, allowing him to climb in next to her. Instantly, his feet brushed against hers which were like two blocks of ice, and he winced, more than a little exaggeratedly, as she giggled into the pillow.

"Well, you haven't done a very good job. It's positively arctic in here. I think I'd be far warmer elsewhere…"

John took the covers in his hands, making to get back out. In less than a second, Anna's hands were scrambling against his back.

"No, don't you dare," she said in a loud, slightly sharp tone as her arms wrapped around and tugged at his waist insistently, rendering it increasingly difficult to maintain his act of hastening away. She had an incredibly strong grasp for someone so very petite, and he couldn't possibly want to be anywhere else when her hands were upon him so attentively.

"You have to keep me warm," she pleaded in a very persuasive tone, and he arched his back to turn back towards her. Her mouth was set seriously, but her eyes gave her away completely, peeking out impishly from under the covers.

"And why should I do that?"

"Because it's your husbandly duty." She made sure to place particular emphasis on her last two words, and John felt his knees slacken as he clambered back into the bed, holding himself above her.

"Is that so?" He couldn't take his eyes from her, stretched out beneath him, gazing up so seductively. Though he loved to see it, he had the urge to swiftly change the pleased smile that was upon her face. Smirking, he lowered his hands to her sides, watching her eyes flutter shut in anticipation as his fingertips barely brushed against the cotton of her nightgown. Then, clasping on tightly, he began tickling, fingers dancing up and down all over her sides, creeping up tantalisingly to the tops of her arms. Shrieking, she clamped her arms down on to the mattress and flailed her legs about wildly.

"Oh, don't…oh…"

She alternated between squeals and loud giggles, her head thrashing on the pillow, and he couldn't stop his own chuckles as he watched her. After teasing her delightfully a little longer, he acquiesced to her demands, the quick movements of his hands slowing and finally stilling upon her, resting against her stomach. Anna unscrunched her face, opening her eyes with a burst of blue. Her breathing was a little ragged as she stared up at him intently, and at once he was completely lost. His own eyes were darkening by the second as he raked them hungrily over every inch of her face, flushed with exertion and her hair a gorgeous mussed mess upon the pillow, astounded all over again by her breathtaking beauty. Right now, it was other husbandly duties that were flooding his mind.

"We'd better settle down," she breathed out, eyes still boring into his before she moved her shoulder, making to turn onto her side and in turn making him shift himself against her. "Our presents will never get here unless we go to sleep soon."

John let out a little huff before he planted a kiss just above her shoulder and snuggled down next to her. His hand nestled upon her hip once more as she fitted her back against his chest. Each time he touched her he never failed to be amazed at comprehending just how slight she was. Her waist was so tiny, it was almost a wonder how his hands should fit so perfectly there. Keeping one arm wrapped around her, he raised his other to stroke softly the hair at the nape of her neck, the action lulling them both into sleep.

Awaking in the pitch black, John squinted his eyes at the bedside cabinet to take in the time. Half past midnight. Initially, they had both fallen into a deep sleep but his had become lighter in the last hour or so, and he had an idea that Anna's slumber had dwindled so much to now be non-existent. His dozing had been interrupted by her legs wriggling and feet swiping against the expanse of the bed, erratic actions that had only increased in frequency just lately. He found himself fully awake when the bone of her ankle bumped against his leg, for the third time that night. This last time she'd managed to angle her foot to land just below his knee, and he'd had to grit his teeth to stop from yelling out as a sharp pang of pain shot up the length of his leg. It was impossible for him to complain aloud however, not when he knew just how excited she was about the day that was lying in wait, and most definitely not when he could feel her lying so close at his side, a constant comfort. He turned over onto his side to see her wide awake, staring at the ceiling. She shifted herself when she was aware that his eyes were upon her, coming to face him, and he smiled when he saw her eyes twinkling, the merest sight of her enough to bring every part of him bursting to life.

"Hello."

"Hello," she repeated in a hushed voice, before realising there was no need, and giggled, her warm breath falling upon his face. She moved herself closer to him where he lay, and his hand reached out to gently brush against the top of her arm. A comfortable silence fell between them in the darkness, a serenity that fitted to the security of their bed.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine," he assured, rubbing her arm and then letting his travel down to her hip. "I was only dozing anyway."

"I just can't sleep. I'm sure I only got an hour or so." She laced her fingers smoothly with his where they rested against her. "I'm just too excited. I know it's terribly childish of me, but I can't wait to see the sun. I wish it was morning right now."

John let out a low, hearty chuckle.

"That's quite a turn of events, you wishing the night away."

"I know. Wonders shall never cease." Anna laughed herself. "Well, I'm only a morning person one day of the year." She gave him a smile before she sat up a little, stretching herself across to catch sight of the clock.

"Oh, it's already Christmas!" she shrieked joyfully. Even in the dark, he couldn't fail to notice the beaming smile that had lit up her face, and he felt his heart glow.

"So it is. Happy Christmas, my love."

Her grin grew even wider as she lowered herself to him. "Happy Christmas," she chimed, before her lips landed softly on his. He responded with ardour, grasping his hands to her arms to hold her in place, groaning as he felt her tongue teasing against his bottom lip. She left him with the imprint of her smile on his mouth as she moved back on to her side, snuggling close against him, head resting upon his shoulder.

"I know now that it will be the best one that there has ever been. Even though it's only thirty minutes into the day," she stated with confidence, and John smiled, believing her implicitly. "Because," and now her voice shook a little with emotion, "it's our first proper one together. Truly."

He could feel the tears prickling at his eyes as she squeezed his hand gently in hers, watching her chest quivering as she took unsteady breaths in and out. He swallowed hard. No matter what, he would keep composure. This Christmas was for her as much as it was for him, if not more considering how much she had always loved and cherished the time of the year. He would not mar another one for her by crying uncontrollably at the earliest point of the day.

"I've waited for it to come for what seems like forever and a day, and now it's here. Really, it's no wonder I can't get to sleep. I won't let myself miss a second of this day." She stroked his wrist gently with the backs of her fingers, sending the hairs on his arms shooting up. "I want to remember every bit of it," she breathed softly, "forever."

"I do, too," he said, taking her hand in his own, sweeping across his knuckles. Looking deep into her eyes, he was already sure that every second was being perfectly stored in his memory for years to come.

She watched the stroke of his fingers working across his skin, a little entranced, and then parted her lips to speak, breaking the silence that had surrounded them once more.

"Last year…"

On hearing those two words, John shut his eyes tight. His head began to swim as they echoed loud in the room, and the image came rushing to his mind at once, of Anna sitting with her head bowed, in the servants' hall, in the cold, dark and damp visiting cell, in a courtroom that was empty but for her. What a way to spend Christmas, with the end of the world looming over her. Multiple waves of overwhelming guilt rushed over him, that he should ever have had to put her through such hell, at any time of the year, but especially then.

She faltered as he brought himself back to her once more. "Last year, nothing was as I imagined it would be. Nothing was as it should have been. For months before, all I could think of was how wrong it all was, how we should have been spending it together instead of being torn apart. I was so frustrated, and angry…and heartbroken."

The lump in his throat threatened to choke him. "Anna…"

"Shhh." She raised a hand to his head, cupping his cheek softly. "There's no need for you to say anything." If he didn't believe it from her words alone, her gentle touch told him everything. Keeping her hand firm upon him, she went on.

"Every year, ever since I was little, I've had a Christmas wish. Some people may think it silly to keep it up, even now, but they've always come true, one way or another."

He raised his head slowly, seeing her warm, soft eyes gazing at him.

"Last year, I knew it was too much to ask for you to be back with me in time for Christmas. But I had so much more to wish for. So much."

Her voice began to shake once more, and it was all John could do not to stop her from having to say anything further, to chase away the pain by kissing her right there and then.

"And I thought that God must have reasoned that I'd been too lucky for too long, that it was time for someone else to have their fair share of wishes. Truthfully, I didn't even care of the reason."

She squeezed his hand again, and he wished she would stop talking.

"But it just took a little longer to come true." He didn't have to look up at her to know that the smile was back firmly on her face. "I don't care if any other wish comes true in my whole life, however little. Not when that one was granted to me. Not when you were saved." She sighed with the weight of it all seeming to be finally off her mind. "I don't quite know who decided that I should be so lucky, but I won't dare question it. I shall just be grateful forever more."

As she glanced down at the sheets a little self-consciously, John was possessed with so much love and adoration for her he felt like he would burst. No higher power had saved him. She was the one who had saved him, from the first day that they had met.

"I'm the lucky one," he declared, "to have you in my life and to never have you leave, even with everything I've done, and all that I've put you through."

He tipped her head up gently with his thumb and looked deep into her eyes, making her sure of the sincerity of his words. Then, he couldn't prevent the smile from creeping onto his face.

"Every wish I have ever had came true the day I came to Downton. Before I was even aware."

She found it a little too much, breaking contact with his gaze and giggling shyly, biting softly on her lip as she looked away to the side of him. Oh God, how he wished he was the one doing that to her. He traced his fingers softly up her arm to her shoulder, and felt her shiver against him as he began drawing out little circles at its back. His eyes threatened to fill anew with tears as hers focused upon him once more, full of blissful happiness. There couldn't have existed two more different Christmases. He knew it, and she knew it, but still he felt compelled to make certain.

"You do know that I love you so much?" His hand travelled up to play at her neck, fingers just brushing against the silk of her hair. "More than I have ever done before, and more than I ever will."

"Silly beggar," she chuckled, her fingers playing with the buttons of his pyjama top, teasing against the hair that poked free from the neckline. "Of course I do. And I love you, with everything I have and everything I'll ever have."

"It was all I dreamed of, every night," he said, before leaving an open-mouthed kiss on her cheek. "Being with you like this. Lying with you." He buried his hand in her hair, pulling just ever so slightly on the tresses, hearing a little moan escape her lips. "Having you by my side. And the reality is so much more wonderful than the dreams ever were, not that I had any doubt that it would be."

Her hand began to drift lower down his chest, undoing each button as she went, her slightest touch against him setting him on fire. He could feel himself harden before she reached his stomach, teasing the line of fine hair that disappeared beneath his waistline, and he sucked in a breath as her face drew closer to his own.

"You know, I think I'm quite happy to wait for the morning to come now," she breathed against his ear. "At the very least, I can bear it."

His eyes darkened as they fell to stare at her mouth. She poked out her tongue, swiping it across her lips to wet them, and he could take it no longer.

"Mrs Bates, I shall make it worth the wait."

His fingers tangled tighter against her blonde waves as he brought his lips to meet hers hungrily. She muffled a gasp against his mouth and then sighed, sinking into their kisses with complete surrender. Every single time he kissed her, a completely new sensation spiralled straight through him. Her hand snaked back up his body as their mouths moved against each other with increasing amounts of passion, fingertips twisting in the coarse hair of his chest. Neither relented their caresses upon each other with either their hands or lips, and their tongues stroked tenderly against one another, matching each spine-tingling movement perfectly. They kissed, and kept on kissing amongst the tangle of sheets, until the very last bit of breath was taken up.

John's eyes stayed closed seconds after they had had to break apart, wanting to stay alive in the moment. They flickered open gradually to see Anna with a gorgeous, mischievous grin all over her face. Her arms were either side of his body, pinning him in place on the mattress, and she was swinging both of her legs around to mirror their position lower down the bed. Her golden locks were hanging over him as she hovered, and he was able to see the peaks of her pert breasts through her thin nightgown, chest heaving with her shallow breathing. He felt wonderfully dizzy.

"Anna," he managed to breath out, before she placed a finger delicately over his lips, not being able to resist teasing the tips over them in turn.

"Let me," she whispered huskily. "I've been waiting a year to give you this present." She lowered her lips to his, leaving a soft kiss that marked only the beginnings of her desire upon them. "Much longer, in fact."

As she straddled him, she shrugged the top from his shoulders, letting her hands travel up to caress the curve of his jaw, sending shivers all over him. The light in her eyes was shining as she dipped her head down to lay a searing kiss at the base of his throat, the tip of her tongue teasing over the skin there, before she started to move further down. He could feel her warm breath dancing against his chest hair as she explored, guided the softness of her lips across him. Every little thing she was doing to him was making him ache wonderfully.

Suddenly, he felt her strokes come to a standstill. He raised his head slightly from the pillow to see her gazing intently, with love pouring from her, at the marks that threaded his lower torso. His limbs and shoulders tightened as her fingertips glided lightly over the scars, the old war wounds, the bruises that had been left there far more recently. She didn't shy away, only embraced with more ardour. In seconds, her lips were back upon him, and he shuddered as they landed just above his belly button. One by one, she kissed each scar, tenderly and attentively, stroking the backs of her fingers over each in turn as she moved onto the next. Tears were welling again in his eyes; only now did he feel as though he had been truly healed, by her.

She pulled herself back up, gazing down upon him with a knowing smile playing across her face. Slowly, sensually, her hands ran up and down his chest, covering every inch of him. Her smile sparked as she perceived his sighs at her touch, her fingers raking and burying in the hair of his chest, her hips beginning to rock ever so slightly against him, the darts of pleasure rifling through him almost painful in their slow release. His hands reached up to stroke the skin above her knees softly, as the tips of her fingers were diving ever lower. His touches were working in the opposite direction, and before she could reach beneath the waistband of his bottoms, one hand wrapped gently around her wrist, stopping her movement, while his other hitched the hem of her nightgown up deftly and then touched with tender caresses the already burning skin of her inner thigh. She jerked her head back and gasped as his fingers travelled further, lingering deliciously for moments over the fine lace of the garter that was placed high there. John had to smile upon the discovery, thrilling when he heard her whimper as he guided his thumb slowly over the edges and back onto her silky skin. He could have toyed there for long hours, but the temptation proved too much. Swiftly, he let his hand slide higher still, curving his fingers inwards. Before he even reached to touch, he could sense her pulsing desperately, and when he rubbed over the thin layer of her undergarments only once, she cried out instantly, shaking underneath the tips of his fingers.

Spurred on by her pleasure, he shot up, clasping his hands against her back and muffled her moans with a decisive, passionate kiss. His lips played gently against hers before he pulled the nightgown from her body. Fingers caressing carefully over skin, she shivered against him while he dipped his head to kiss the little hollow between her breasts. He trailed his mouth upwards along her collarbone, the elegant slope of her neck, leaving a line of blistering kisses kindling upon her. Breathing heavily, John pulled back, his hand firm upon the nape of her neck, gazing deep into her eyes, which were heavy and half-lidded with desire. He stroked gently against her hairline, smiling at her before he leaned in to capture her lips once more. As he kissed her languorously, he felt her eyelashes fluttering against his cheek and her melting against his hands.

"You're the one who should have everything," he breathed against her ear, before he laid her back down upon the sheets that had now been set on fire.

* * *

On Christmas morning, John awoke to the misty winter sunlight streaming through the curtains and the unbelievably beautiful sight of his wife, sleeping soundly against his side. It was the most perfect way for him to wake every day, but today it was even more so, and he felt himself tingle with anticipation for the day that lay ahead of them. He sat up, moving his limbs as slowly as was possible, gently lifting her hand from where it rested on his chest, her fingers nestling in the thatch of hair there, and placed it delicately back onto the mattress. Climbing from the bed, he took his pyjamas up from where they lay scattered across the floor, keeping his gaze upon her while he put them on, watching her chest rise and fall softly and her eyelids shiver ever so slightly. It was so hard to leave her there when she was curled so contentedly, and he fought the urge to throw back the covers and press her to him for the rest of time. Instead he swept a hand over the crown of her head with the lightest of touches and left the softest of kisses there before he padded with silent steps across the room. Turning back as he reached the door, he smiled as she stretched and wriggled around, before sinking into the mattress once more. He made sure the door issued not the slightest creak as he closed it over.

He arrived in the hallway, fully dressed except for his coat, hat and scarf, all of which he threw on in a matter of moments. Lowering himself carefully to sit at the bottom of the staircase to pull on his boots, his eyes followed the trail of frost that had set firmly against the windowpane overnight. The glass appeared almost cracked in two with it, the fierce cold making itself tangible even from the inside. Letting out a long sigh, he grasped the handle of the bucket with one gloved hand, heaving himself upwards and across to stand at the threshold of the door, where he stayed hovering for minutes. If it wasn't for that damned coal, he could have still been in bed. The thought crossed his mind that it would have been perfectly fine for them to have stayed there all morning. It was different from his plan, but potentially much better indeed. A half-smile tugged at the corners of his lips, bringing a vision he had held for so long to the front of his mind again, reminding him why this would be all worthwhile. He brought his other hand firmly down upon the handle, and opened the door wide. The bitter wind hit him like several sharp bullets, and his breath was caught for a moment before he fought back, recovering to take careful steps around the patches of ice that remained dotted about the little path that led out.

He walked for what had seemed like miles, and it was a wonder his legs hadn't seized up completely with the cold that was searing up from the soles. Resting a hand against the wooden shelter, John stopped to turn his face back towards the little cottage sitting at the end of the row, its walls coated with a shimmering layer of white. It wasn't simply the force of the arctic gales that had sent a stream of tears to his eyes. It had been three months since they had been there, and they had not long finished putting the final touches in place to render it perfectly to their liking. Yet John was sure that he would never quite get over the amazement he felt that they finally, after so many years of waiting and frequently it seemed hoping beyond all belief, had a home to call their own. Every single day as they left its door and each night as they returned in the darkness, the joy filled him anew. As the months and years passed it would never lose its shine, would most certainly remain one of the best gifts he could ever wish to receive, and he would forever be grateful.

But then, he knew that he had been blessed with the most precious gift that there could ever be years ago now. The day he had laid eyes upon her, that first moment so momentous in his mind, had changed his entire life. The love she had ignited in him was so unexpected, still surprising him to this very second. The love she had shown him in so many ways, all so wonderful, was such an incredible force, persisting through so much bad and making the good even better. It more than repaired the holes that had been left open for years in his heart, made him whole once more.

He smiled recalling the first Christmas he had spent at Downton, at the time being quite certain that nothing could remove his cynicism for the season. All he had ever associated the time with in his adult life was torture and turmoil, first in the years he spent fighting at Lord Grantham's side, and then later in the fierce battles he was set in with Vera. Miserable memories of Christmases long past marred his mind, of her screaming and shouting at him as he slumped into a corner, bottle in hand, wanting only to drink until he would wake again in the New Year, hoping for a new start that never arrived. He remembered sitting in the servants' hall, inwardly shuddering as he tried his best to match Anna's bright smile, so enlivened as she was by the holiday. And then it was as if, with the instant that the snow had fallen upon the ground, all the years had been swept away, fading to obscurity against the shine of her smile and the swirl of her body, dancing against the air. On a rather bold impulse, and before he even had time to process what he was doing, he had reached out to take her small hand in his, and when his fingers swept effortlessly across her skin, everything had changed. All of his Christmases arriving at once in that one moment, and his life starting again with a rush. The smile grew wider upon his face as he glanced up to the little window at the top of the cottage. The thought of her lying snuggled up there, looking just like an angel sent straight from heaven, made him want to rush back in immediately, waking her with kisses he would cover her in from head to toe, inhaling her intoxicating scent and wrapping himself tight around her, surrounding himself completely in her warmth.

The draught surged against his limbs again, with more ferocity than before, and he had to stamp his feet firmly against the ground to try and shake it free. No matter how much it raged, it would never compare to the coldness that had comprised him completely this same time but a year ago. The chill that still lay deep within his bones rose up again just considering it, and how very easily it all could have ended then. He had never been one for praying but it was near on all he did that Christmas Day, offering up praise in the hopes that his wishes would be granted. The wishes for his innocence to come to light; for his life to be spared, even if it was to be at the very last minute. To have once more the one thing that kept him living throughout the whole ordeal – to be in the arms of his wife again, his head falling upon her shoulder, striving so desperately to return all of the love that had endured against so much pain. Though there could have been no starker contrast to the season that they were now facing happily reunited, it still stung him deep in his heart to think of all the pain he had caused her, unimaginable to him now as it always would be. Thankfully it did not appear to have been the case, but he had feared so much that he had ruined Christmas for her forever with the memories that were still so unfortunately fresh. It had always been the most special of times for her, and now for him too, and he resolved that this year, and indeed for all the other Christmases that were to come, he would do everything he could possibly do and go even further beyond to make it up to her. Their first proper Christmas together as husband and wife would be testament to the love they had shared for so long. It would be filled with peace and happiness that would stretch far into the future along with even more love, holding safe all of the wonderful moments that lay ahead waiting for them, now so near within reach, as they would remain for the rest of time.

Scraping his boots against the doormat as he closed the door behind him, John was overwhelmed with thanks for the walk to be over, to be back shielded in the cottage's walls. He huffed a few times to allow his frozen breath to thaw out, but held it until he reached the sitting room. He sighed with relief when he saw that it was empty still. Shuffling around, regaining the feeling in his toes, he pulled out some matches to light the candle lamps resting upon the fireplace, before bending carefully to empty some of the coal below, preparing a fire of much greater quality than all that was managed last night. As the flames began to kindle quickly, it didn't take long for the air in the room to warm up considerably, and John straightened himself, taking the coat that he had kept buttoned tight against himself since he had come back inside from his shoulders.

"There you are."

John was pleasantly startled to hear her sweet voice, having not perceived any of her footsteps. As he turned around at once to catch sight of her, he noticed that she was in her stockinged feet. No wonder she crept in as quiet as a mouse. He was set into something of a trance on seeing her there, and let the coat slip from his fingers without a second thought as he gazed upon her, still dressed in her nightclothes, a beautiful, relaxed sleepiness all over her face which only served to make her even more alluring, if that was earthly possible. His breath caught in his throat as the smile burst across her lips, her shoulders raising up in a delighted shrug. The glow of the new flames dancing in the fire sought her, bathing her figure in added light and warmth, while the ornaments hanging from the branches of the little tree shimmered and sparkled at her side. John let out an entirely contented sigh. The room was quite nice as it was certainly, but it was far nicer for her being in it. In fact, only now did it seem truly perfect. The beaming smile that had settled upon his features mirrored the one that was on hers, as she walked over to where he stood, still captivated by her.

"I missed you beside me," she uttered, touching a hand to trace up the sleeve of his jacket, stopping to circle his elbow teasingly. She lifted herself onto tiptoes to breathe sultry into his ear. "You should have come back to bed."

He took in a sharp breath as her hand slid towards the lower half of his torso, and she nuzzled her nose against the side of his cheek.

"I had to go and get the coal, if you recall," he managed to stutter out as her nimble fingers stroked against the fabric of his shirt. "It wouldn't have been the nicest way to start Christmas Day with it being completely freezing down here."

"All the more reason to stay exactly where we were."

He turned to see that the most delicious smirk had sprung up on her face, making his knees weaken and the rate of his heart sent beating almost through the roof. The temptation of her, only clad in that flimsy nightgown and her robe, was getting increasingly hard to resist. Enticing images raced through his mind, of him pulling the cord from her waist, throwing the clothes from her body and laying her down naked upon them, in front of the blazing fire. He smiled wickedly at the thought, catching the glint in her eyes.

"You were the one who wanted to get up so early."

John chortled to see Anna pouting at him for all of a few moments, before her features softened once more.

"Well, I am a woman, and that means I'm entitled to be entirely contrary if I so choose."

She grinned impishly before she took one of his hands. They were still aching from the cold, and felt equally as cold to the touch, but she barely flinched. She lifted up her other hand to join with it, covering his almost completely, swiping and rubbing her fingers back and forth with the tenderness she was blessed with. John smiled down at her with a world of love in his eyes, and his heart leapt when he saw hers raise to him with the very same love held there.

"No, you're right, I did want to get up early," she said with the same softness that her fingertips were issuing in their strokes against his skin. "And I'm glad I did, because everything is so nice at this time of day. Especially with you making up this fire and making it all so cosy." She swept a thumb over his palm, then lowered her head to trail kisses upon his roughened fingers. "It all looks and feels so lovely." Her blue eyes looked bigger than ever as she looked up at him once more, and he could see that they were glistening with tears. A rush of adoration overwhelmed him.

"Thank you," she breathed out, and the tears threatened to roll from his eyes.

"You've no need to ever thank me, my darling." He raised the hand she wasn't holding up to her face, the coldness of his fingers meeting her warm, rosy cheek, feeling her smile touch his palm.

"Well, I always will, whether you like it or not."

She scrunched her nose in a giggle which he delighted in in the seconds before he bent his head to brush his lips against hers. He tasted the mint of the toothpaste she had used just minutes beforehand as he parted her lips gently with his tongue, stroking against her as her hands stroked their way down from where they had been clasped around his neck to his back, and then over his chest. She moaned a little as his teeth grazed lightly across her bottom lip, and then he captured them both once more for a final, sweet kiss.

John had kept his eyes closed as he pulled back up, marvelling in the wonder of the moment, but they flew open as a sudden thought thundered into his mind, and his hands started against the small of her back, making Anna jump a little.

"Oh, I don't believe it," he exclaimed.

"What?"

He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling.

"I haven't made the tea and toast yet. I wanted to have it ready for you when you got up."

Anna laughed, her hand gently swatting against his shoulder.

"You silly thing. Yes, it would have been lovely, but I'm not bothered one bit."

She snaked her hand up to cup his chin, forcing him to lay eyes upon her. For some reason he had been expecting to see a shade of disappointment hiding there, but he was relieved to see there was none, only the pure joy that had resided there the same as before. The frown on his face faded away instantly and was pulled into a smile, even before she gently traced the tips of her fingers over his lips.

"I'm not bothered by anything being here, or not being here, so long as I have you. That's all I'll ever need for everything to just be absolutely perfect."

The fingers of her other hand crept all the way up his chest, caressing the back of his neck softly before they twined into his hair, and she pulled him down to meet her for a wonderfully passionate kiss, that left them breathless once more.

"Well," he said when they could finally be persuaded to break apart, "I don't suppose you'll be wanting these presents then."

They both turned to eye the two little piles of gifts gathered at the foot of the tree, on the table top.

Her fingertips worked nimbly at the nape of his neck, stroking back and forth against the hair and the sensitive skin there as their breath mingled. Suddenly, he was feeling quite overcome.

"Oh, I'm not sure how they'll possibly compare to the first present I got this morning."

His lips contorted into a wide smirk. "Anna Bates, you are a little minx. And I love you for it."

She giggled happily as she shifted in his embrace, tightening her grip upon his waist. Leaning up slightly again, she left a chaste kiss upon his cheek, ever surprising.

"Of course I want to open them. I've been waiting all night to do so."

John huffed a little as she left his arm and walked over to kneel down by the tree.

"I don't know whether I should be insulted by that."

Anna laughed as her fingers began to dance over the bows and paper that covered the various packages.

"Oh dear husband, you are ever so sensitive."

He chuckled, padding across to her and leaving a couple of kisses against her hair before he sank down onto the chair at her side. Watching her cast her eyes delightfully around, shining just as bright as the little silver bells that adorned the tree, he smiled to himself. Though there weren't as many, and they surely weren't as extravagant as those of the Crawley family, John was rather pleased with the gifts lying there, one collection immaculately wrapped and the other looking slightly more dishevelled. He laughed inwardly thinking of the evening he had arrived home after a long day working, about a week or so ago. With Lady Mary being occupied elsewhere for the evening, Anna had been let go earlier in the afternoon and had said that she needed to go shopping, so he wasn't entirely surprised to find the rooms downstairs empty when he came in. He had made his way up the stairs, hearing rather peculiar rustling noises coming from the bedroom, and was just about to enter when he heard her shriek from inside.

" _You can't come in!"_

" _Why ever not?"_ _He had an idea why, but it was far more fun to feign ignorance._ _"It can't be anything I haven't seen before."_

" _Cheeky beggar!" She giggled. "You know very well why. I don't want the surprise to be spoiled, so…shoo!"_

_He had to chuckle hearing her, and relinquished his grip on the door handle._

" _You're in command. I promise not to look until Christmas itself."_

" _You won't, if you know what's good for you."_

A couple of evenings later, while Anna was getting a tutorial in preparing Christmas food from Mrs Patmore, John returned to the room, laying out the gifts onto the bedcovers and surveying them before he began to bundle them up. He only hoped she would like them all, even though she would tell him so nonetheless. He'd pondered long and hard about each one, going back and forth into Ripon and York as much as he was allowed to check whether things he had seen months ago were still on the shelves of the shops. He knew that material gifts were not as important to Anna as other things, but still, this Christmas had to be no less than perfect.

Her face was scrunched up in careful consideration, her hand hovering over the presents in turn. As it made to come down upon one box, it brushed against his own. Anna shivered a little with surprise to feel the touch, and glanced up to meet his approving gaze.

"Open that one first," he said, with a glowing smile written upon his face.

* * *

John stood at the foot of the stairs in the little hallway, adjusting his hat and taking his coat from the rack. Before he put it on, his hand slipped into his jacket pocket and pulled the new shining silver pocket watch out. He smiled widely as his fingers drifted over the inscription on its back.

" _My darling husband, time is all ours now. Forever yours x"_

He cradled it carefully before flipping it over in his palm, gently lifting its lid to perceive the time. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself. His wife certainly was not one to rush.

No sooner had he placed it safely back did he hear the slightest creak. He turned his head and at once his breath was taken clean away as he took her in, gliding down the staircase, looking absolutely radiant. She wore a bashful smile, still colouring profusely at the attention and adoration he showered upon her with but one glance. She stopped before him at the bottom, giving a little twirl as she touched her hand to the wave of her hair and let her skirt swish about her heels.

"Will I do?"

"As if you even need to ask." He simply could not take his eyes from her as she came to a halt in front of him, her eyes shining expectedly. "You look absolutely stunning."

He cupped his hand tenderly to her cheek, eyes smiling before they fell closed as he placed a soft, sweet kiss upon her mouth.

"It suits you very well," he said, admiring the powder blue blouse with the lace at its collar, that highlighted the hues of her irises and went marvellously against her porcelain skin. "Though I can't take all the credit."

Anna let out a little laugh, scrunching up her nose adorably again. God, he always loved it when she did that.

"I love it. I have been a very lucky girl this year, you've spoiled me rotten," she exclaimed, toying with the silver and pearl set necklace that adorned her collarbone. "Really, I should get quite unbearable."

"Such a thing could never possibly be," he replied with a smile, draping the cream-coloured scarf about her with care, then turning her gently to fix her coat to her shoulders. "You deserve to be spoiled, my darling. All the trinkets in the world wouldn't be enough."

She giggled at his words, turning back around to face him as she did up the buttons. "Well, I don't need them," she asserted, taking her hat in her fingers. "I still maintain you will always be the best gift I'll ever receive."

He grinned lovingly at her as she craned upwards towards him, her warm breath fluttering against his skin seconds before she left a lingering kiss on his cheek.

While she made her final preparations, John's eyes drifted to look out of the little window above the door. Most of the mist from earlier in the morning had cleared, but he was still surprised to behold little flecks falling upon the pane. A wide smile split his face as he discerned the cause.

"Anna."

"Yes…?" She was pulling her hands into the new leather gloves, stretching out the fingers before she glanced down the hall towards him.

"It's started to snow."

A light flickered in her eyes as she took steps towards him, her head lifted to see the light drift falling from the window. His hand slipped around her shoulder, rubbing back and forth, as he watched her watch the sky, delighted.

"So it has," she uttered, with an apparent air of nonchalance.

A slight frown settled on his face.

"Don't you want to go out in it?"

"Not much."

He was quite surprised, until he turned to see her looking up at him with bright eyes, unable to hide the smile that was tugging at her lips.

"I'd much rather stay right here with you."

John beamed down at her as she slipped her hand into his, giving the fingers a gentle squeeze.

"And I would too."

He leant down as she arched herself upwards, their mouths meeting halfway in a delicate kiss that soon turned increasingly passionate with the strokes of their lips against each other. Her hands clasped around his neck, and he stroked the small of her back softly, lips ardent and attentive upon her, before he lowered her back to the floor. She sighed deliciously, her eyes fluttering open once more to observe the smile firm on his face.

"But it is high time we got going. We don't want the others to think bad of us."

Anna whimpered a little as he grinned, then swiped her fingers softly over his hand.

"I suppose you're right."

He gave her hand a tender squeeze before lacing their fingers together tight, bracing himself as he opened the door wide in front of them, the snowflakes falling all around.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs Bates."

"Merry Christmas," she smiled softly, "John."


End file.
